Assault in a Perfect World

Recently, like very recently, my eldest son was assaulted. He was beaten up by a gang of 6 youths and his brand new bike was stolen. When I found out, after knowing my son was ok, I was angry. I was so fucken angry and I wanted to hunt these cowards down and I wanted to inflict severe pain on them. I wanted to take their possessions and make them feel vulnerable and scared for their lives. I wanted them locked up with the key thrown to the bottom of the ocean because to me they were the scum of the earth.

Eventually after these feelings had run through my heart and soul like red hot lava the sadness kicked in. Like deep, deep sadness where my heart broke and my tears flowed. Not only was I sad for my son and how this could possibly affect the rest of his life but I was deeply saddened to know these kids knew no better and quite possibly they never will. I was sad for them because they weren’t brought up in a loving family environment where they were taught right from wrong. I was sad they didn’t know how their actions affect other people for the rest of their lives – or don’t care. I was sad to know that they will go through the justice system and be in and out of jail for the rest of their lives and there is probably nothing anybody could do about it.

Then I thought how we could change this? How could we make things better before things get worse? How could we create a judicial system that helps make these kids, while they still have the chance, to be decent adults and better human beings – rather than locking them up with other trouble makers where they just learn new tricks.  So I created the perfect world. A world where these children were charged. Where they went before a court and their offences were made clear but then instead of juvenile prison they were instead taken to a remote village. A place where they were mentored, hugged, lived off the organic goodness of the land and taught good manners and morals. A place where they felt safe and could make the change to be kind. To be thoughtful. To laugh at funny things not cruel things. To be a person who they can enjoy being, to make something of their lives.

It’s crazy and naive I know. It’s a dream and a perfect world. But I do believe that some of these young ones could actually benefit from a place like this – it probably already exists. I think they could grow up and then they could become mentors themselves and start changing the circle of life for their families, their children. To some degree I believe in rehabilitation I am just not sure it can be done in an environment that is already toxic.

Just a “perfect world” thought.

One Love

DRK xxx

Five Tips to Stop Over Eating and Start Losing Weight

If you’re anything like me, or the me of old but the not-so-old-me-that-I-don’t-remember me, you know what it’s like to obsess over food. Obsess over weight. Over calories. Over good food versus bad food. Over punishing yourself for wrong choices. As a compulsive dieter and emotional eater you’ll understand what it’s like to go all day eating “good” foods, sticking to the plan you stayed up til midnight devising and promising to yourself that THIS TIME you will stick to it and then all of a sudden your face down in a pool of curve embracing carbs and the only way out is to eat your way through it all. I’ve been there. Often. Not too long ago in fact. I’ve found myself time and time again resisting food for most of the day, eating healthy meals and snacks and then WHAM! 3pm hits and it’s like the fridge automatically opens itself up and empties its full contents into my mouth leaving only the well meaning carrot sticks and grapes behind.

Food has been constantly on my mind for, at least, the past decade. At least. I have had a war with food for a long time and it has been torture! And for those of you that get it you will get that after the binge comes the guilt. Then with the guilt comes the feelings of being a failure and so therefore the intake of more food before finally the promises that tomorrow will be different. It’s tough. It’s a daily, fucked up, tough cycle. Something only first worlders have to whinge about which then makes us feel even shitter about the fact our problem is that there is too much food and yet somewhere else in the world children are starving!

Some of us use food like a drug. We become addicted to the short term joy it brings us. It’s like a security blanket. It keeps you safe. It never lets you down. The food is always there for you. The hollow fullness is always there to comfort youBut it’s not really. I made this discovery recently. Although I can admit that I’ve really known it for a very long time. I’ve also known the reasons why I have spent way too long overeating which is, ironically, to feel small. To stay insignificant. Because being small and insignificant meant I was safe and hidden. That my low self worth and insipid guilt of my past actions couldn’t be seen. That because of these past actions I must remain with my head bowed in an apologetic stance for the rest of my life. Not worthy. A failure. A fat failure.

In my recent revelations I’ve learnt some new ways to move beyond my decade+ long food struggle. I’ve seen the light so-to-speak and my entire day is NOT filled with food thoughts. I eat when I’m hungry. I eat what I want. I am smiling. I am happy. I am still considered overweight and my outer body doesn’t yet reflect my inner body but I’ve let my security blanket go and I want you to join me in the revolution of being in control of food.

So without further adieu here are my five tips.

1. Quit dieting. 

For food obsessors dieting is like putting a lit ciggie in a smokers mouth and telling them not to suck it in. Right? It’s torture! Dieting instantly fills you with a mix of hopefulness and dread even more so if you’ve been dieting on and off for years. Dieting means restriction, not having what you like – or think you like. Dieting means failure. Failures mean bingeing. Bingeing means you are back where you started. Get off the cycle! Ditch the diet books, like, seriously, throw those fuckers out don’t even try to sell them on Facebook Buy & Sell – they are not worth a cent! Steer clear of gossip magazines with a bikini clad celeb on the cover and the headline “How she lost 15kg overnight”. And run the fuck away from googling anything keto/paleo/atkins/dukan/cabbage soup diet related and unfollow all those instagram feeds where the motto is “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. None, and I will repeat this for you, NONE of these diets are helpful when you are obsessed with food, an emotional eater or compulsive dieter. I don’t say this to take away the hope for a slimmer you I tell you this because our “diet” begins in our minds and not with a restrictive food plan. So I am sorry but what works for your best mate, your father in law, your sisters-friends-mister isn’t the kind of diet you need. For most of us it’s a mind thing not a diet thing. Please remember that. 

2. Keep track. 

No not of your food! Keep track of your emotions. Your thoughts. When do you start obsessing? If you feel like it is all of the time, which was me, then think about when your food obsession is at its worst for you? Is it after dinner is finished? Is it after a session at the gym or is it, like me, the minute you get home from school pickup? We are a slave to our thoughts so recognising where they happen, when they are the strongest, what can set them off and what can ease them will really set a solid foundation of understanding your triggers. With understanding comes power and with power comes the confidence to move forward. We want to move forward because I sure as eggs don’t want to be an eighty year old woman still bitching and moaning about my weight. I want to fucken live a full and exciting life. Something I have been working on A LOT in the last 12 months and I have to say I like this moving forward trajectory thinga-me-bob.

live in the moment

3. Pull the Wonder Woman Pose. 

Yep it sounds silly and it’ll look silly too when you are standing all super powerfully in front of the fridge or in line at Maccas but guess what? It works. It is proven that standing in the Wonder Woman pose will give you more power and more confidence which then gives you the capability to make a better choice. Even if it’s assertiveness towards a kitchen appliance and all it’s contents or the pimply boy waiting to take your order. This power pose communicates not only to others but more importantly to yourself that you are serious and in control. You. Are. In. Control! Hold it for two minutes. Chest out, shoulders back, feet apart and fists on hips. Oh and remember to breath! You can also use a power pose while you are eating! Yes good posture will slow your eating. It’ll raise your awareness and it will make each mouthful mindful. Shoulders back. Head held high. Eat with purpose. Eat with control. Why? Because food does not control you. Wonder Woman is your girl! Channel her.

Wonder_Woman

4. Find your cheerleaders. 

Surround yourself with love and support. Find “your person”. Find your best supportive babe. That one person who will not judge you, the one who will stay neutral to how you are feeling now but will always offer encouragement for the steps ahead. Cheerleaders are the bomb. They get you. They also see you for who you truly are and they want you to love the absolute shit out of you as much as they do. It really is true. They can see all the good parts of you that you cannot see and they want you shine. So shine you fucking Goddess, SHINE!

Feel better

5. Enjoy food.

Don’t be scared of this one but learn to enjoy food again – for what it is. Food is fuel but food is also a part of daily life. We cannot just give it up, go cold turkey and wait for the shivers and shakes to stop. But food really needs to be put in its place and it is up to us to do it. See it for what it is. Tell yourself that because we are the lucky ones there will always be enough food. That chocolate will be there tomorrow and the next day and the next day. It doesn’t need to be hoed down in one go. It is not going anywhere. It will always be available. It is just chocolate. Don’t count calories. Don’t claim food as “good” or “bad” it’s just food. Once you tune into your body you will naturally gravitate to what makes you feel light and bright. It’ll take time but how long has it taken you to get to this point – with no success. 

Enjoy it all

What happens from here on in is a deeply personal transformation. Something that is not clearly visible to the eye but it is there. People will notice. The mental transformation, for us, is the most important stage. A body transformation cannot be sustained without a stable mental change. And let me tell you once your mental transformation begins the body transformation doesn’t have much significance anymore because you will learn along the way how amazing your body has been during the time of mental anguish you have just endured. You will recognise the strength your body has had to have over this time and how supportive it has been to you to keep getting up and trying again and again. Don’t blame your body. Thank it. What a gift you have been given. Now go. Go stand in that wonderful Wonder Woman pose. Because you, my friend, are not small and insignificant at all. You are purposeful and powerful.

Shine on Goddesses!

One love

DRK xx

The Self-Worth Epidemic

Hard times come. Hard times go. Hard times teach us so much about ourselves and who in our lives are true. It educates us in knowing who are the ‘good time’ people and who are the people with their hands outstretched ready to dust off our knees and direct us to an upright position regardless of how many times we fall. In the few months when my decline into a sad state was obvious it made me realise I have plenty of dusty hands around me. I am so lucky to be surrounded by patient, kind and loving people who stood by me on the fall protecting me from harm until I was capable of getting back up on my own. They reminded me that I have the power and the competence of doing this thing called ‘life’. That, yes it can be overwhelming and may have you wondering if you can hold on any longer, but that you are, in fact, not just holding on you are actually rising during these challenging times. These are the times you are learning. You are developing, growing and becoming a better version of the person you are. With these people in my life, who only had good intentions for me, I did indeed grow. They reminded me that I get to choose to accept this time as a lesson and not as a form of punishment. And so that is my point to this post…. The point is what I learnt from these moments in my ‘upside down time’.

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Quote: Oprah

What I learnt as I was on the ground looking at the world upside down is that my belief of having ‘low self-worth’ has been leading me down a path of overwhelming feelings my entire life BUT that is all it is – a belief! And a falsified belief at that because what I know NOW and can see with absolute clarity is that self-worth does not grow or shrink. It does not fade. Self-worth just is. It is a natural, balanced and in-grained part of us all. We all have self-worth. We all have the same and equal amount. It is our self-confidence that tries to get us to believe that our self-worth comes with conditions. Conditions like: you will be worthy enough when you become more successful, when you lose weight, when you get best player, when you-if you-and-only then can you …. But it’s NOT TRUE! You were born with your total capacity full of self-worth. As a baby you did not believe you were a failure every time you fell after you first began to walk. You did not believe that because you had different coloured skin that you were not good enough. You did not believe that because you were chubbier then the baby next to you that you were not worthy of love or success in life. You were born with self-worth, you were born with an equal and anchored amount of it! Self-worth does not change it is a constant in your life that makes YOU WORTHY of whatever it is that you want, every single minute of every single day! The definition of self-worth is: the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person…. One’s own value as a person …. You were born, right? You are alive, right? You are a person, right? Then you’re value is equally as important as the person standing next to you, across from you, in front of you or behind you!

Self worth

SUPERWOMEN! Do you hear me? Do you hear me when I say YOU ARE WORTHY! Every inch of you is worthy of love, success, happiness, health, to be heard, to be nurtured, whatever it is you desire! Your self-worth is the same as mine, the same as Oprah’s, the same as Mother Teresa’s, the same as your favourite singer/actress/friend/enemy (favourite enemy – hmmm maybe a little carried away there!) Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different – including yourself! Do NOT ever let your beliefs tell you that you have low self-worth. Your self-worth is perfectly in balance but maybe your self-confidence just needs a little boost (or a swift kick up the arse!) It’s self-confidence that makes you doubt your ability and that is all that is too! Doubt, fear, uncertainty. Simplified it is your confidence in your own ability to do or be whatever it is you want. Do it or don’t do it. Didn’t succeed? Well try again! It is that simple – we’ve made it all so complicated. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – BE KIND to your fellow Superwomen (and Supermen followers too)! Let us all raise the self-confidence bar, stop beating up on self-worth, put on our red big girl knickers, capes, sing kumbayah around a camp fire and make daisy chains and fly together! It’ll be much more fun I swear!

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One Love
DRK xxx

How To Lose Your Muffin Top

It’s been 16 days since my little footsies have touched the plastic-metal-square-numbered thingy. It’s been 16 days without any double digits burning into my eye sockets and depleting the last of my poor self esteem atoms. 16 long and wonderful days…. Wonderful because I’ve eaten when I was actually hungry. I’ve eaten what I actually felt like eating – good or bad – and I’ve become super aware of how different foods actually make me feel. Not feel as in the guilt or shame I once felt because the scales had told me I was already fat that morning but feel as in the massive sugar comedowns and the feeling that someone has shat in my mouth from all the unknown agents in packaged food. Let me tell you when you become food aware you realize those unknown agents sure can shit and it tastes really fucking bad!

So for 16 days (plus the few additional weeks of ‘Christmas Spirit’ before that) I’ve inhaled foods I wouldn’t normally on such a regular basis and I’ve enjoyed every second of the freedom. People are telling me how great I look because I’m happy and I don’t question their motives when once upon ago it was one of my biggest “over-thinking” items in my catalogue of overthinking things.

I feel lighter without all the mental baggage but in truth I know I would still have a melt down if I stood on that numbered bitch today because she would still define me by a number. This is the reason this is a 365 day challenge and not a two week challenge because nothing has changed except the way I feel about myself without the numbers. But this new feeling needs to set, like concrete, before a scale should ever tell me anything ever again.

So as part of my (mental) transformation I’ve sold all of my “motivational” pants and tops – you know the ones? They’re the pants that you try on and they’re a little tight but you get them anyway coz “one day” you’ll fit in them. They’ll be a great motivation, you think. They’ll encourage you to make healthy eating choices and to exercise every day. Big news people PANTS CANT TALK! They do not have a voice. They will not tell you that your bum does indeed look big in them and to get that arse moving now before you spilt them right down the middle! And, now that I’ve realised they won’t actually talk to me I can say, for me personally, that they haven’t been motivational at all! They just tell me that the outfit a size too small gives me a muffin top. Yet, shockingly, in the right size clothes there is no muffin top at all. Now put that on a magazine cover – “Lose your muffin top in three minutes! Guaranteed!”

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16 days is only a small amount of time when taken from 365 but they are small steps in the right direction for a much more fulfilling life. Hell I’m even inspiring myself with how I’ve changed! Now that’s something to write about!

One love,
DRK xxx