Mud Thy Saviour

I signed up for a ‘weight loss‘ course quite a few months ago.

…………………………..*sigh* ………………………………

Don’t worry this is not another ‘I’m-not-eating-for-21-days-to-lose-10kg‘ post …

I promise!

My initial intention (as usual) was to lose a shitload of weight, get to that ‘perfect’ and ‘ideal’ number on those very judgemental scales, to, hopefully, eradicate all my mental issues surrounding my body and to, finally, transform myself to look like a completely different person coz quite simply I’m not good enough as is, right?! I was thinking possibly like Scarlett Johansen or skinnier to be more socially awesome? Ok how about Angelina – I’d fit in then, I’d be an inspiration right? Because dramatic weight losses and hard bodies are more inspirational than women who love their lives, their children and god forbid their curvy/skinny/slim/lumpy/whatever shaped bodies.

Since my sign up I’ve been surprised by what has really happened and it focuses around myself mentally more so then physically. If I could do a “Before & After” shot of my insides then apart from being a little grossed out you would be super impressed to see the massive changes I have made. The course set the wheels in motion by creating opportunities and opening doors that have significantly helped me to evolve into a better version of myself. Deep huh?! I feel it internally but trust me when I say it’s been slow going – think of like a turtle on tranquillisers kinda slow. Although I look pretty much the same on the outside I am a completely different version of myself on the inside and still changing.

The biggest catalyst for my internal modifications came just over halfway through this ‘mental weightloss’ course when I bravely signed up for something that I would never EVER have considered before. I signed up for a challenge called the Tough Mudder! Admist the *eye rolls* from my dear friends who have heard nothing more than this for the past 6+ months I am proud to shout it from the rooftops – the internet-blog-style-rooftop that is. Why? Because this stinky, muddy event has changed my life FOREVER! I have gone from someone who can’t even stand the idea of having a bath (yes, even with myself) for the fear of germs, contagious floaty things touching me or perhaps even a shark being unleashed through a hidden trap door (yes really) – TO NOW a full-blown dirty, sloppy, stinky mud loving chick ….. Ok I still have issues with baths and pools and water filled stuff.

They don’t call it Tough Mudder just for fun – that mud went into every crevice of my body, covered every inch of my exposed skin and stuck to every thread of the micro fibre technology Lorna Jane tights that I wore. Yes I am one of ‘those’ LJ girls and yes I wore my Lorna Jane in the mud and she still came out just as good as she went in! Yep, LJ and I crawled in that mud, jumped in that mud, hell we even swam-head-under in that mud. Why? Well, why the hell not?!!

My hubbie and I after completing the Tough Mudder Perth 2014 …..

What this mud did for me was more then just adding a natural, long lasting dynamic-lifter-type-odour to my body for a full few weeks and almost, yes only almost eradicated my fear of clean dirty bath water – it actually changed my thought processor. Yes MY negative, self-critical, self-loathing, I-can’t-do-it central core processor got an overhaul!! I know, it’s a big statement right?! Some people need years of counselling, very expensive personal power courses or a decapitation to break through mental issues and I am not taking away from those avenues I’ve taken up many of them myself – actually I really don’t advocate decapitation – BUT I went from a girl bordering on taking anti-depressants for severe anxiety, depression and feeling completely overwhelmed with too many kids and her all encompassing life, to a girl who says; “Ok bitch,” (yes this is me pep talking my negative side) “you did the Tough Mudder right?” Negative bitch answers “Yeah so what motherfucker?” – “Well, sweetie, if you can do a Tough Mudder with no training, no roids and weighing that weight you say that stops you from wearing or doing what you want, well you can do anything!! Now get your sorry arse up and start moving forward. One step at a time, that’s all it is!”

And thats exactly what I did throughout the whole Mudder obstacle course and I have been doing it ever since. Just one foot in front of the other, one step at a time and you know what? I’ve made progress! Real, fucking progress! There’s been no turning around to look at the past and all its sloppy stinkin’ mud just so I can feel bad and beat myself up. I am looking forward and am now being proactive – not in just one area of my life but in all of them! I am making changes, I am choosing to move ahead and along the way I am embracing who I am (thanks to Taryn Brumfitt’s Embrace book – #ihaveembraced)….

So what does this all mean? Well my first major change was hiring a sleep consultant! Yeah I did, I employed a damn good sleep angel who helped me to get my 20 month old (now 2 year old) to sleep through the night and sleep 2-3hrs during the day!  The 1.5 to 3hr blocks of sleep I was getting, I knew, was paramount to some of my mental health issues. I then started an online course to help me to manifest stuff (aka be positive) in a very exciting way – one that had results as soon as I started it.  I also changed simple things in my life like starting a gratitude journal, I now say ‘no’ more often then ‘yes’ to things that I really don’t want to do/have/eat, I also started saying ‘yes’ to things that I really did want but was to chicken to do before! I quit Facebook even though at first I thought FOMO might take me out. I stand up to people without fear of them not liking me (or divorcing me), I’ve taken more chances by putting myself out there in the big wide world (aka this blog) with far less fear of rejection and with not much concern about what others think about me, I retired my 10 year old business – for now but not forever – even though it is something I love and am passionate about the timing is not right at the moment and for me, well, all of those things are MASSIVE changes!

So what looks on paper (your screen) to be rather lame, for me, in my life, is huge! It’s different for me, it’s progress, it’s something that makes me proud of myself. So sing it with me Superwomen – “What have you done today to make you feel proud?”

One Love

DRK xxx

Working Shit Out ….

What do you do when you don’t know what to do? How do you figure it out?

I am so busy with a full household and with a full household comes a full schedule and with a FIFO husband comes a fucken full schedule. I barely have time to do anything on top of the necessities let alone spend time finding out what it is I really want to do. Even since giving up Facebook with all my extra time I have now started blogging daily (yep, loving it) but I have already let slip some household duties, namely ironing, so I am now overloaded with ironing piles – now remember I have five children right so skimping on ironing even just for one day is bad …. really bad! Also I am not vacuuming every day as I usually would and I have only mopped once this week – which may not sound bad but it’s not my usual way of housewife-ing and again lets just remind you that I have five kids – four of which are stinky dirty boys!

If I had more time (or was more organised) I would have weekly menus, shopping lists ready to go, a de-cluttered home (yes the ironing would be done), I’d exercise more to have the figure that I desperately want, and I’d have a plan of what I want to do in my life. So I need to be organised to be organised right?! Maybe this is fairly common for stay-at-home/working mums because during the whole ‘giving’ and ‘being’ we forget who we are and we become confused as to what it is we should be doing as opposed to what we want to be doing but then that would be totally selfish right?!

So I asked myself an important question and quite possibly a pointless one …. Q: If time and money weren’t an issue what would I do?? Really what would I do? A: Well, my dream is to renovate old character houses, decorating them in styles and themes that I love and then I would on sell them and they would be smokin’ red hot because I have some awesome ideas and concepts! I would write a best selling novel because I have so many friggin’ cool stories locked away in my creative mind. I would holiday in the sunshine coz I like it all sunshiny and warm, hell I’d have a holiday house where I would go to write. I would inspire others to live life – I don’t know how I just would. I’d read a book in a day, a whole freakin book! I’d have a personal yoga instructor and an ironing person and a chef and a person who comes in every day and puts new sheets on my bed! I knew I should of been born a princess!

Not sure it is helpful to think of these things and I think I am done now having a whinge for now …

I would love to hear your dreams and goals – come on, fucken inspire me Superwomen!!!

One Love

DRK xxx

World of Warriors

Somewhere between women burning their bras to now has seen the role of ‘wife’ become quite confusing. The stay at home world of a Superwoman is not quite as simple as staying at home anymore it seems. There is this ‘busy’ complex that creates a competitive dynamic between households of who holds the most out of house curriculum activities, while still maintaining the facade of a display like home, well-manicured nails, a perfect relationship and gifted children (none of which I can lay claim to). If it’s not a week of afternoon kids activities to taxi through or personal gym sessions so your body is socially acceptable, well then it’s overnight personal development courses to fix the problem you have with your image in the first place, hot date nights to secure the picture of your ‘perfect’ relationship or a destination wedding you can’t afford to attend.

Spare minutes seem few and far between and if there are short spurts of time that become available then they are quickly rescheduled into coffee and play dates, spring cleans before the in-laws visit and online shopping to fill your house with more ‘things’ you don’t even need. I am a perpetrator of this ‘busy’ fixation. I fill up my days with anything I can to keep busy (and possibly so I can ignore the ceiling high ironing pile I have that would put the Leaning Tower of Pisa to shame).

busy-mom-2 

 

It was only a few months ago when something made me discover my ‘I’m so busy’ fascination. It was a Thursday. Windy, slightly fresh but really just a typical day here in G-Town. Thursdays had become ‘daycare’ day for my Mr3 and it was time to pick him up. After signing him out I helped him into the car while at the same time zipping his daycare bag up, buckling his baby brother in and talking on the phone to my Dad to organise a lift for my older sons soccer training. I had so many places to be that afternoon – picking up Mr3 by 3:30 (tick), dropping Mr9 at soccer at 3:45 and Mr12 at basketball at 4:15. Then picking up Mr9 at 4:45, Mr12 at 5:00 and Miss15, from her after school job at 5:15. I may have a split personality and even be two-faced at times but I haven’t developed the superpower of multiplying myself … Well not yet, that’ll come after I’ve developed the amazing mosquito who sucks fat! https://superwomanseven.com/2013/11/05/why-cant-mosquitos-suck-fat/


In my defence for what is about to follow please note that his menagerie of tasks were preceded by the morning school run, a full day of shopping (not for leisure), the afternoon school pick-up (x3) and the after-school-job drop-off…. But back to the story …. I am juggling zipping up the bag and buckling the seatbelts of my precious cargo while also over-thinking all the tasks set before me. I frantically ask my Dad “Can you take Ari to soccer?” Yes, he says, he’s on his way to Lawn Bowls anyway. “Great! He has to be at bowls by 4.” He has to be a bowls? Dad chuckles “No, no I mean soccer!” I’m clearly losing focus at this point but if you had of asked me I would have said that I had this balancing act shit sorted! Then all of a sudden it hits me! My mobile is missing! It’s like having a mini tornado rip through your chest cavity when you suddenly become aware your little technology buddy has disappeared. It is, after all, your life line. It holds all your phone numbers (so you never have to remember any number again including your own), all of your “contacts” details (some of whom you are actually friends with), hell it even holds evidence (via text message) that you told your husband four months ago that you’ve planned a trip away with the girls next month!  So I start searching! Parked up in the daycare carpark, on show for everyone to see. I’m searching like a mad woman possessed by a dead man on Viagra! I’m checking the daycare bag, the centre console, my pockets, in the exhuast, everywhere. A few minutes linger and I twig……….. I am totally wasting my Dads time! I need to concentrate damn it! This shit is important! It’s a distorted exchange of words (on my part), I’m not making any sense at all and my mind is evidently not on the conversation at hand. So I say “Sorry Dad I gotta go – I can’t find my phone.” No worries, he says. We hang up………….. It’s then and only then that I finally become conscious! There resting in my hand after being surgically removed from my ear is that beloved little device … Yep the ‘missing’ phone! DOH!! It’s kinda like the I-can’t-find-my-sunnies-oh-they’re-on-my-head trick – which I had also done earlier that day.

 

This was THE golden moment! The moment I discovered that this was my life’s definition of busy. I was doing too much of everything while totally over-thinking it all. It meant nothing was getting done properly, no genuine love and attention was on offer and I was ripping off everyone involved in my busy life including myself. I wasn’t really listening to my son tell me about his day, I hadn’t nurtured my baby who had been stuck in the car for hours and my Dad, who was doing me a favour, didn’t even get a thank you!

thanks-dad-85065168 

I had to admit at that point that being busy had become an addiction. There’s a little part of me that wanted (and still wants) every day filled with stuff so I can avoid the ‘other’ stuff – like ironing or on a deeper level, being present. But I also know that the curriculum I’ve set myself is profoundly fulfilling – when completed right. It fulfils all the different variables of “me” that I am passionate about. Whether it’s my stylist business and love of colours to my volunteer work and love of contribution or to my blog writings that are a release of stale energy which clears me. But what I need to learn is how to make this work for me so my success is more gratifying. I need to organise myself so that I am only doing one at a time so I can do that one thing well. Is there any Superwoman (or Superman) who has this mastered, or are at least almost there? Who has this balance of life, children, career and passions fully sorted? And are you willing to share any hot tips to get this Superwoman into a better state of wife/mother/career life?? Who has an app for this?!

 

One love,

DRK xxx