Exploding Love

New parents are totally as adorable as newborns. You can spot them a mile away. The awkward pram moments, the fussing, the uncertainty spread across their face, the tired elated smiles and of course the teeny tiny baby. I love it. I miss it. The newness that is.

I’ve always been newborn mad – just not so keen when they grow up and starting talking back. I love the way newborns smell, how they rely holy and solely on you, I love their little cries and all their ‘first’ little moments. Newborns make my heart want to explode with love and sometimes I think it actually will – explode with love that is. I wish I could bottle it and spray it all around the world so that this pure love fills the hearts of everyone. I know, I know, how soppy and sentimental of me but alongside P!NK, newborns just make my heart sing!

But that’s not what I came here to write about today because even though I sound super clucky and it seems as though I am about to announce (another) pregnancy I feel it’s very important to say that I will never have another newborn of my own… And I am grateful for that because I have five healthy children already! But it does mean I get to love the newborns of my friends.

I came here today because I feel so much love for a little guy who I’ve never met and who has recently arrived. I love his mother – in a friend-way not creepy-way – so its only fair that I’m totally in love with him too. He’s precious, he’s tiny and he’s premmie. He is also strong, determined and he is, well I’m throwing this out there, perfect. Absolutely perfect.

How can one be so perfect? How can someone so little steal your breath away? I remember when my number 4 was born, my littlest one in size and with a serious medical condition. I remember how I could sit and stare at him all day. Not being able to hold him was painfully draining but I never got bored just hovering around him. I never wanted to walk away and leave his side. Even with the three hourly ‘milk room’ trips where I’d be plugged in like a jersey cow spending up to 30 minutes each side trying to get some milk out he never, not ever left my thoughts. Other mums would come in, five minutes tops, and then walk out with 180mls meanwhile (back at the ranch, the really dry drought ridden ranch) I left with a syringe of 2.5mls or under. It was pretty pitiful and that 2.5mls was my largest milk delivery the entire time!!

My number 4 was the epitome of a miracle to me and I know my friend will be feeling exactly the same. All babies are miracles and love is love but these little tiny ones are just even more special. More miraculous. You cannot, as a parent, fall in any more love than you do with them. It’s a love that is all encompassing. A love that blows your mind. So when I think of my friend and the new little guy in her life my heart fills to the brim and explodes a little on the inside. A little miracle. A little ray of lovely sunshine. A little bundle of love.

Now go and hug your babies, no matter how big they are. If you haven’t been blessed with babies yet go and hug your mother or your father or both because they will have that exploding love thing happening all over you!!

One love,
DRK xxx

Tissues and Stars

I watched a movie called “The Fault in our Stars” today yesterday a few days ago (ok so it took me awhile to finish writing this blog) and it was…. Wow… Just wow! This movie is as beautiful as it is touching. It’s about life, young love, young death and cancer. But its even more then that it’s also about leaving behind memories or a scar as Augustus says. It’s about being important and deeply loved by someone. Oh and by the way cancer totally sucks balls right?!

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I have had this movie since it came out on DVD but I had been putting off watching it. Why? Well for lots of reasons – the same reasons why I couldn’t finish the book I suppose. Because not finishing the book meant the story didn’t end and I knew it wouldn’t end the way I like fairytales novels to end – with ‘and they lived happily ever after’. I knew the ending would be death. I knew cancer would win. I knew it would bring up my heartbreak over my brothers own cancer battle, a life lost. The things he missed out on having and experiencing. But he left a scar … on me, on many.

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If you haven’t watched this movie I suggest you grab a box of tissues and watch it. It is not a deeply depressing movie where you will finish watching it and want to go drown your sorrows in a bottle of Jacks it is instead, heart warming and lovely. It will leave you feeling grateful for healthy lungs and it’ll make you want to hug your kids and be present with each conversation you have with people who are important in your life. It will make you want to say the things you don’t say often enough, things usually left to an eulogy. Are you brave enough to say those things out loud, to the people who need to hear it? It’ll put things into perspective and remind you how precious life is. And even though I still haven’t found out the meaning of life – or my role in this movie of Life – I do feel all warm and squooshy on the inside because after watching this movie because I realise that I don’t have to change the world to be important. So pressures off.. Phew…

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One love
DRK xxx