Day 12 – It’s Happening …. Clickedy, Click

Have you ever read articles on weight loss where people say something along the lines of “it just clicked” – cut to the amazing before and after shots???

Well I have … heaps and heaps and heaps and it annoys the crapola out of me! It’s so frustrating when you’re a dietaholic, like me, and you hear that there was this miraculous ‘click’ for other people who have struggled with their weight too yet for some reason you haven’t heard it, felt it, seen it or touched it for yourself. And I’ve waited, trust me, I have waited AND waited for this clicking shit to happen.

I wonder when they say it do they mean that it was a definitive click that just materialised out of thin air and then they were cured? Or was it a series of clicks because these before and after photos are deceiving to a visual person like me. To me it looks as though one day they woke up overweight, then something clicked and the next morning they were slim! That. Does. My. Fucking. Head. In!!!!

BUT ……

Of course there is a but ….. Isn’t there always?!

I’ve notice changes in the last 12 days. Changes other than the 4.5kg loss (yes I’m bragging). Nice little changes that may be ever so subtle clicks. Like the rarely-there cravings for chocolate and my ability to talk the odd one out of eventuating. Or the teeny little slip-up that stays a teeny little slip-up and doesn’t turn into a guilt induced oh-well-I-fucked-it binge. I am drinking lots of water – in fact, I am craving it. I am finding the word ‘no’ rolls off my tongue easier and I don’t feel completely deprived when I say it.

It’s kinda awesome. It kinda feels like the beginning of something bigger for me and maybe my problem all along was that I was ‘waiting’ for the click when I should have gone out and activated the fucker myself!

Have you heard the click? Are you one of those who has an awesome ‘before’ & ‘after’?

I want to have awesome ‘b&a’ photos – just for me 🙂

One love

DRK xxx

 

 

Conscious Eating

When you are dieting everything that goes in your mouth becomes blindingly obvious. It becomes a conscious decision, a choice, an option and for someone like me it’s all or nothing…..

I cannot lick my fingers after spreading the kids Nutella. I cannot pinch just one chip on takeaway night. I cannot take a bite of a pizza when it’s GYO which when translated means: get your own damn dinner….

No I cannot do those things while dieting because then I would unleash the beast! The beast who would then sit down and eat the whole damn thing. The pizza, the salty chips and the jar of Nutella. Ok, probs not the whole jar but I wouldn’t find satisfaction in just a smidge licked off my finger tip!

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So my other option is to deny myself of all of these things permanently while dieting and if any of those substances are to touch my fingertips I violently wash them away before they end up in my mouth!

Here’s a thought …. Why on earth can’t I have a problem eating too much celery or kale or baby spinach?! Hmmph? Why?!

So before conscious eating, aka dieting, I’d shove food in not caring to stop and enjoy the tastes evolving in my mouth. Kinda like Cookie Monster except the food would actually go in my mouth, down my throat only to finally settle itself in my arse or belly or chin – chin two that is. I inhale food because I am always in a rush but also because I feel guilty to be consuming calories, empty calories. I’m not a binge eater or someone who eats shitloads but I do have a problem with being satisfied with small amounts – so it goes past being hungry and into something more – of which I’m not sure.

Now, though, I savour every bite. Cut, bite, fork down, chew, savour, swallow. Cut, bite, fork down, chew, savour, swallow. Repeat. There is no longer inhalation of food. The pull is still there, the desire is too but my willpower or whatever the fuck it is – leverage I think I called it last time – is greater…. At the moment and its a welcome relief!

Some people are happy with just one chocolate square while dieting … I. Am. Not. One. Of. Those. People! So it’s none for me. Nil. Zero. Zilch. Unsustainable I hear you say, yep I guess that’s part of my problem!!

One love,
DRK xxx

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The Magic 6

I did it! My first major goal on Day 9 (yesterday) of my weightloss journey to get back into the 60’s. I’m only just BUT most importantly I am there and that is freaking awesome!! I felt a shift in my hunger yesterday also and my muscle weakness was relatively minor. It could have been psychosomatic but I was feeling better even before I stepped on the scales.

I packed my meals (and hubbies too) for the trip and our two days away so even if my weight goes back up today from last nights dinner – which was the most amazing food I’ve ever tasted by the way but I’m not sure if that’s because it sent my tastebuds into overdrive after them being sent on holidays for the past week or because it actually was the most amazing food ever! Who cares really I tots enjoyed it, every little mouthful!

So I’m confident (not a phrase I use often) that with my packed meals I have done my absolute best to keep any gain as low as possible. But I will be skipping the scales for a few days just to give myself time to readjust some grams and reduce the risk of the perfection bat coming out and whacking me one!

My advice for other dieters out there: goals should be broken down into baby steps and each milestone should be celebrated – and not with food! I celebrated my first of many goals – a double whammy actually – of getting out of the 70’s and making it through one week and I celebrated by spending the day with my friend in hospital. She felt lucky to have a visitor but I felt luckier to be with a woman whom I love and admire who encourages me and inspires me and who has strength galore! I love the shit out of her!!

Next goal, next baby step is to be back under 70 -this is assuming I’m over – in 3 days time when I weigh in next. Anything more is a bonus!! How are you going? Got those goals in sight?? More importantly, are you being kind to yourself if something’s got in the way and you’ve fallen off the wagon??? Well don’t worry about the fucken wagon jump on the horse and get your arse to goal anyway you can – with your head held high coz you’re doing this!!!

One love
DRK xxx

Day 6 – Unrealistic Expectations

I have expectations. Unrealistic expectations. Here’s a few for example: I expect my kids to be able to do the dishes without fighting, whinging or dropping water all over the floor….. Are you kidding me! Unrealistic for sure! I expect my kids to listen to me every time I open my mouth… So totally unrealistic not even I listen to myself all the time in fact I can’t stand the nagging that comes out of my mouth somedays but earplugs only internalize the sounds and make my voice sound weird! And I should not, I repeat, should not freak out when I gain 200g during a diet…..

200g. I know laughable right?! But this diet is all about daily losses to keep you motivated. Plateauing is normal but gaining is not if you follow it to a T. So why did I gain? Was it because the kids had my favourite meal last night – homemade pizza and garlic bread? Did I sneak a bite? Hell did I suck back a whole pizza? Nope I did not. I didn’t even lick my fingers after making them. Instead I had a light 95g tuna in spring water with salad. Did I have a full cream latte with one, something I’ve been hanging for? Nope I did not. I had a herbal tea hold the honey and it was quite delicious. Did I sneak a few Doritos the kids had for arvo tea? Nope I did not. I ate my protein only snack worth 50g, boring as batshit but it’s worth it right, right?! What I did eat in addition to what my plan allows was 6 almonds. 6 raw almonds obviously all worth 33.3333 grams each. Fat little fuckers ruined my morning!

I was close to getting back into the 60’s too and I thought, I expected, it might of been this morning. I haven’t seen a 6 for a super long time and I tell you when I do see that upside down 9, when I jump that momentous hurdle, I plan to hold a party in celebration – me and my scales are going to celebrate in style… In the bathroom. Alongside the toilet… While no one is watching…. The almonds are definitely NOT invited!

It’s ok I’m not beating myself up. No perfection bat in sight!

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I know what I have to do and I am not going to sabotage myself and fall off the wagon like I normally would just because I feel defeated. Today, although I am disappointed, I still feel committed and I am determined to get back to my normal weight. I’m not going to squeeze into tight clothes anymore because once upon a time those clothes were not tight. I have a whole wardrobe waiting to be worn and they are relying on me. I will not let you down Prada shoes and Gucci pants …. Haha just kidding they’re Grace Hill shoes and my Cooper St leather pants that are calling … Oh and a shitload of Target! But I can still hear them calling even without the ridiculous price tag. Yep all my clingy tops, my size 10 jeans and my ‘white’ wardrobe are calling me to. What’s that? I think I can hear them roar!

Who else had a ‘less than ideal weigh-in’ this morning? Go on share all the grisly deets! Hey if you were successful please share too! Inspire the shit out of me!

One love
DRK xxx

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Day 5 – I’m still at it

Day 5 is almost over and I did promise you that I wouldn’t turn this into a weightloss blog but how about we hang out til my first week is up – it’s kinda helping knowing that I am reporting in.

Then I’ll do weekly updates from there on in and once I’m brave enough – I’ll post photos!!!

Here’s the G.O ….

I woke up starving this morning … Again. I had muscle weakness (sounds pathetic I know but I seriously couldn’t hang out my washing or dry my hair) and I was nauseous BUT it didn’t last all day – which is a big YAY from me! So it turns out I’m less of a starvin’-marvin and more of a content-kent today which is a nice change. I’m almost a week through and over a third of my way to goal already – I think – I’m not to bright when it comes to mathematics. I know it’ll fall off more slowly from now on and the rest of the of the chubba-woombah woman that is me will take longer to fuck off but I’m ok with that. Me in skinny jeans – it won’t happen overnight but it will happen!

What I know for sure with dieting is you need to have leverage. There really is no miracle pill or diet but once you have leverage most diets will work. The first time I had a shitload of leverage was after I had my fifth child and was going to P!NK’s concert soon after. Now most people know my love for P!NK so the possibility, however slim, of meeting her, which I didn’t, was enough motivation for me to lose 9kgs and get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I was pretty stoked that 16 weeks after D was born I was back to “normal” – which, of course, was a weight I was never happy with before D.

Then over the next 6 months, some health issues and a back injury I gained those 9kgs back plus a couple more. I can tell you with absolute honesty now though that I will be so grateful for my healthy slimmer body when I get back to that “normal” weight.

So what’s my leverage now? A girls trip to Melbourne in May! I don’t fit into my clothes, especially my jeans, and I refuse to buy a whole new wardrobe of a bigger size or two – but I’m totally ok to buy a whole new wardrobe when I get to my new slimmer self! I also have a goal dress that I wore 4 years ago – once – that I plan to wear to my birthday in June no matter how cold the weather is. Looking at it now I can’t imagine (although I’m also trying the visualization/manifesting techniques) that I ever even fit into it but I did and I have the photos to prove it. Well I actually have a photo of my back end in the dress courtesy of my husband who snuck a photo opportunity when I wasn’t looking and a top half photo of me and my hubbie who looks drunk but he wasn’t coz he doesn’t drink much, ever.

So there you have it. I’m feeling better, I’m still focused and my leverage is a four hour flight with good friends to a city best known for its art, food and shopping (unless you’re into horse racing then I guess The Melbourne Cup would be up there too).

Here’s the maths – 3.6 down 5.5 to go… Victory is on the horizon!

One love,
DRK xxx

Day 2 – Stumbling Blocks

Warning: there is a lot of fucken swearing today…

Today sucks differently than yesterday. I’m still hungry, I’m still headachey and I still want to scream halle-fucking-lujah to the world coz I’m miraculously still overweight and I’m, well, I’m a tad fucken hangry.

I know, I know it’s only Day 2 but I’m impatient, alright! My hunger pains and my shakey lethargic body tells me I should be weighing in like a flea already but reality says don’t be so fucken stupid!

There are a couple of reasons why today sucks differently compared to yesterday. Firstly, I’ve lost my right jogger. Yep! I don’t even know how that is possible! They go on together, they come off together, they sit and wait patiently together. They’re a fucking twosome! So what does losing a shoe mean? Well it means that even though I want to go for a walk slash jog to help my weightloss efforts I can’t …. Or can I? Am I making excuses? Should I just jog barefoot? In my thongs? I’m guessing my Physio would love that but I can’t just go buy a new pair of running shoes, why? Coz my husband would murderize my arse if I did – not coz he’s an arsehole but because these particular ones were only a few months old and well they weren’t exactly cheap Target sluts! It’s like walking on clouds, I told my friends all but two days ago. I wasn’t bragging, honest, they are just awesome shoes and everyone should be wearing awesome shoes especially while you are flogging yourself daily!

And my other reason why today is different than yesterday….

Well, actually, I’ve forgotten coz I’m so hungry and my brain is foggier than a tin shithouse after curry night at the homestead. But there was a second reason seriously! Might have to remember and comment it later…

Anyhoo that’s enough swearing and hangriness for one day! Keep strong Superwomen who are ‘dieting’ too! Our goal weights are just around the corner (then down the road, turn left, travel a few more bumpy roads, sharp right and arrive at your destination of ‘Fucking Awesome!’)

One love
DRK xxx

P.S This is NOT going to become a blog all about my weightloss journey … Promise xxx

Day 1 – Numbers to Follow

Ok so don’t be shocked when I say the following …..

I have started a new diet! Yes I have ….. Yes, again! And today is Day 1.

Day 1 sucks. It sucks big vagina biscuit balls!

On this day my mind, my body and my tastebuds scream at me about all the stuff I am giving up and I get hangry, really hangry! It’s like herpes and piggy tails on men – it’s horrible, disgusting and leaves a bad taste in your vagina mouth!

Day 1 tells me how heavy I am and how far I have to go before I get to my ‘ideal weight’ – whatever the hell that is! Let me tell you ‘ideal’ by definition is: satisfying ones conception of what is perfect; most suitable or existing only in the imagination; desirable or perfect but not likely to become a reality.

WTF!!! Not likely to become a reality! No wonder ‘ideal weight’ is such a farce! What an absolute joke! Best I be scrapping that ‘ideal’ bullshit and just aim for comfortably-able-to-touch-my-toes or not-have-to-tuck-my-belly-into-my-jeans weight. Hell at this stage I’d give anything just to fit into my jeans never mind tucking my belly into them!

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Day 1 also means forming the habit of drinking three litres of water a day. Which means me and my bladder become great and present friends. We hang out and I give up everything else in my day just to spend time in the dunny with my bladder and the 3 ply. Like a urinal colonic. In fact I’ve been three times since starting this post! Crazily enough, I get more and more thirsty the more I drink and those three litres don’t quench my thirst and they certainly don’t bitchslap the hunger pains.

I was going to be brave on Day 1 by posting photos and declaring ‘the numbers’…. You know? The numbers? The digits that control my life?! Well I’m too fucken scared so you’re just going to have to wait until I have actually removed some of the numbers before I am brave enough to post my ‘before’ pic. It might not happen until I have my ‘after’ pic but hey, if it bothers you then, well, you have my absolute blessing to fuck right off 🙂 I mean that in the most loving fuck-offable way xx

So stay tuned, or not, for the transformation, if any, and please know that your words of encouragement will be greatly rewarded. No, there is no prize for your encouraging comments but you will be rewarded with a happier, healthier and no longer hangry me!

One love

DRK xxx

P.S I feel 10kgs lighter already – coz I am so hungry – pity the scales say otherwise… Boohoo …. Hold on for your dear life here comes the roller coaster ride called ‘weight loss’…….

P.P.S I can do a food diary if you’re interested and I am assuming you will only be interested for two reasons 1) you are wanting to lose weight and 2) I actually DO lose weight …. Stay tuned…..

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Don’t Miss Me While I’m Gone

I am going on a mini-getaway! I am flying the coop and I am leaving the children in charge of the husband … I’ve told him just to roll with the punches. I will probably come home and find him tied to a tree, house trashed and the kids running wild and free! But thats ok coz I am getting away! I am having a break and I am going with friends who are also NOT bringing their children.

So, what are you going to do without me for a few days? Probably nothing different then you normally do. I wonder if you’ll even notice that I’ve gone BUT I thought I’d still come and say goodbye. I haven’t even packed my bags – hell I don’t even care if I come home in the same outfit I left in!

Now a little warning: if you see distress smoke or SOS signals from Australia it’ll just be my husband reaching out for help … Don’t help him, seriously, he will survive! Hope the kids run amok 🙂

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See you Sunday Superwomen!

One love

DRK xx

Tickle your Pickle

What is it that floats your boat? You know like tickles your fancy, pops your corn, milks your goat???

Is it travel? Dirty sex with men who don’t speak your language? Is it asking Siri stupid questions and laughing at her random replies… I know it’s a bit sad but who needs to hire friends (coz people do that – don’t they?) when you got a talking phone who won’t drop the f-bomb know matter how much you beg her to and then you try to irritate the shit out of her just so says a naughty word, just one! But she doesn’t coz she’s a pretty patient chick sure she lacks personality but she’s entertaining all the same. In fact after some persistence the kids and I did get her to sing a song once (she’s tone deaf by the way) I haven’t been able to get her to do it again though – stubborn bitch.

But it’s no surprise after my last few posts that I am still looking for my zing. I’m looking for that thing that tickles my pickle well if I had one that is! If I had to whittle it down to my three top loves (not including kids, hubbie, family, friends etc etc) I would have to say the three top ‘things’ I love are 1) houses (anything and everything to do with them), 2) writing (all genres and styles) and 3) yoga. I really, really love hot yoga. I don’t do it anymore but I love it – dumb right?!

Besides drawing a gazillion house plans these three things that I apparently love I don’t give time to. These three loves are things that I feel passionate towards. I feel drawn to, I connect with and these three things make me feel full. Content. Me.

So why don’t I do these things more often? Why aren’t these a part of my daily life? Well because I let “life” and fear get in the way. There’s always dishes to do, coffee dates to be had, kids to occupy, kids to occupy (yes I intentional said that twice) and never enough time to explore the things I love, that fill me with passion and give me oomph! Yes, I am busy as I discussed in a recent post “Working Shit Out” but I am also full of excuses or shit as others would say.

Now, what am I going to do about it? I can opt for the doing nothing and continue walking around feeling a little pissed off, helping others, occupying kids, cleaning things that just get dirty again ORRRRRR I could do all of those things but with do it with joy AFTER I have fulfilled my needs! Now my scaredy cat insides needs to pack their shit and leave while I take steps forward to do these things!

Go forth Superwomen – do what you love, do it often and do it so you don’t go stir crazy!

One love
DRK xxx

Lets Get Real

Ok Superwomen I’ve been hearing lots of stories about mean girls lately and I’m not talking teenage girls, I’m talking big knicker ladies!! I’ve heard that these women are cementing themselves on pedestals and talking down to their fellow ladies …. This. Is. Not. On!

These women are new to the ‘mean girl’ world which makes them dangerous because their egos are massive! They think that they’re something pretty darn special and not in a good way because they’re under the impression that their ‘something’ is more special than the other Superwomen around them. BUT let me say this ladies – by being mean to other Superwomen you become less of a something – instantly! You weren’t born with nor have you developed an additional ‘awesome’ gene. You haven’t been given extra birth rights that makes sure your shit doesn’t stink coz, let’s be honest, it does – just same as the Queens or the Superwoman you just had a dig at.

It’s so cliche but it really is true, that beauty radiates from within. Believing you are ugly though, is when you make a decision that your appearance means more then your values, that your looks mean more then the goodness and love you offer to the world. It means that you judge yourself based on the judgements of other people and their ideals of what beauty is. It means you judge others because to deem yourself ugly you have to judge another to be beautiful first….

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What I do believe is that confidence is damn sexy but ego and vainness is neither sexy nor beautiful and ego’s that revolve around thinking you are better then everyone else is the ugliest trait I know. There is nothing sexy about an ugly, conceited, mean driven ego.

But now I’m going to be honest, most of my life I have considered myself ugly. Why? Because I compared myself to what is stereotyped as beautiful and I do not measure up. I am not thin, toned, tanned, photoshopped perfection. But once I peel back the pictures and pedestals, when I do connect with my inner self I see it … The ‘real’ beauty and not in aesthetic way. And if I had the choice of people remembering me as a kind, generous, loving soul or being a fake superficial mean girl then the decision is easy. I’d choose substance over narcism any day.

So here’s my advice – stop being mean and creating a world of comparisons and judgments because it is setting women back. While we are making these changes let’s raise our girls to be strong, kind and feminine. To shift the focus on looks and status and teach them to intelligently accept and love each other and especially themselves because while we waste time fighting amongst each other we stunt our growth in the big wide world.

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Now go, pull up your big girl knickers, clip on that cape and when you find someone standing over you on their fake insecure little pedestal send them love and fly away, they wont fly after you – they can’t because their rose smelling shit has them weighted down.

One love
DRK xxx