Egos at War

A little while ago I did something. Something that I wanted to do for myself but also to help others. Women in particular. I was so excited to be a part of a something bigger than my little world and to share a valuable message with as many people as I could. Just registering to do, for me, was life changing because it took so much courage to even get it rolling and once I had stepped over through the fear boundary I felt so empowered.

And then it all went to shit.

I was hit with obstacle after obstacle by someone willing to do anything to get their own way. But what hurt most was she came out looking like a goddess and I, a second rate try-hard. In truth I was completely cast to the side and forgotten about. She lied to me and to others, embellished her ‘story’ and bullied me into a corner. She was spiteful and used others against me. I sound resentful don’t I? That’s because I am.

I know if I was the person then that I am today then I would have stood up for myself a lot better. And this makes me feel so incredibly frustrated at myself.

Today all the disappointment and anxiety I felt during that time came flooding back because I found out she received recognition for her efforts. That she received a personal call and a huge pat on the back. Yet me, who never kicked up a fuss, who never stepped on anyones toes, who never wanted to take away from the message I wanted to share so I kept my mouth shut got sweet fuck all.

Don’t get me wrong I didn’t do it for the self promotion like she did but to be shafted, bullied and disempowered and then for the shafter, bully and disempowerer to receive all the credit hurts… A lot. I feel resentment that I was the nice girl and I walked away unacknowledged. She even took credit for my hard work and claimed it as her own!

But yesterday after I allowed the crap feelings to build to an extreme level I decided to do something about it because I sure as shit am NOT going to let this “inspiring woman” have any more of my energy and it starts right here… Right now.

It all starts with forgiveness and retiring the ego.

I am going to forgive her. I am going to forgive her underhanded ways. Forgive that her drive was more important than another womans feelings. Forgive her ego for feeling superior and mine for acting inferior.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean we are going to be best friends or that she is off the hook for the trouble she caused. Forgiveness just means that I will no longer carry the feelings of hurt and disempowerment around with me. I know my part. I know what really happened and shouting the truth from the roof tops will only make me look like a cunt.

It is our egos at war here and at the end of the day it is my hurt ego that is driving these feelings. It is my ego that wants people to know the truth but someone once said you can be happy or you can be right.

I choose happy.

One Love

DRK xxx

Go On – Cure Me!

Over the past 18 months I’ve had various “diagnosis” and I use inverted commas because I am still not sure I believe I actually have these illnesses and I do still believe I can ‘cure’ all of them. This, I’m sure, will have the medical practitioners rolling their eyes at my bold statement while the naturalists are no doubt applauding me – a standing ovation I’d say – chanting that to live natures way is the only way and I would but here lies part of the problem I’m “allergic” to most of the raw fruits and vegetables we commonly use to heal ourselves. Yes, laugh. Seriously it’s ok if you do. This “syndrome” is one I’m sure most teenage boys would love to have. I am, however, 100% sure that my 10+ years of dieting/bingeing and my nasty internal dialogue has done this damage to me. Essentially I have poisoned myself.

I am writing this post – one that will be relatable to almost no one and after the Belle Gibson saga it’ll hardly be believable in the eyes of many – cheers Belle – but I’m still writing it and for two reasons: one) to maybe get a message out to people to start eating to survive and thrive and to stop torturing our internal system with diets, shakes, pills and poisonous potions and two) I’d love to find someone out there like me, find someone who has cured themselves, someone who lives successfully with these “syndromes”. And YES there will be MANY more inverted commas throughout this lengthy post…  

So … let me break these “diagnosis” down…

Diagnosis #1: Irritable Bowel Syndrome. 

Symptoms: stomach cramps, diarrhoea/constipation, bloating, feeling of still needing to go after you already went – we are talking bowel movements here for those of you who are unsure where I am going with that.

Treatment: the FODMAP diet which is essentially avoiding onion, garlic, lots of fruits and vegetables, grains etc – here’s the list which is too extensive for me to waste important word count on … http://www.ibsdiets.org/fodmap-diet/fodmap-food-list/


Diagnosis #2: Oral Allergy Syndrome this name makes my girlfriends laugh and laugh and laugh… If you have a dirty mind you will get the hysterics of ORAL allergy syndrome if not keep reading…

Symptoms: instant itchy mouth, swollen tongue and lips, scratchy throat, itchy inner ears, and a short time later for the real bad reactions – stomach cramps.

Treatment: avoid all fruit and vegetables that I react to which include but is not limited to avocado, watermelon, green beans, carrots, rockmelon, kiwi fruit, celery, capsicum and so on. Cooking them can sometimes help too.


Diagnosis #3 came in a bundle of three after an endoscopy: gastropathy, severe GERD and Barrett’s.

Symptoms: chest pain to make you think you’re having a heart attack and nausea. They’re the only two symptoms I had/have. No indigestion or heartburn.

Treatment: 40mg Nexium for two months then reduce it to 20mg and also, yep you guessed it, more dietary restrictions. Avoid coffee, chocolate, spicy food, tomatoes, alcohol and sleep upright at a 30 degree angle.

On top of these “syndromes” I am also sensitive to milk and whey powders (think weight loss shakes), allergic to certain grasses and soy … I also get the most incredible ovulation pains that take me out for a good 12-24hour period once a month and speaking of periods well actually let’s not go there and instead just say I’d have a hysterectomy if it wasn’t so extreme! Continuing on I have bursitis in my left knee and my left shoulder and intermittently have back and/or neck pain. Am I making your ears bleed yet?! Trust me my poor husband, Mum and friends must be over it – another reason to over share with you – allow that probably accounts for 50% of my followers 🙂

What I am feeling from all these things is that I’m internally toxic. Inflamed. Unbalanced.

The “avoid” food list of all these “diagnosis” combined are mind boggling! There is so much I have to stay away from and most of them are things that I’d put on my favourite list if I made one … Coffee, spicy food, avocado, chocolate and being a 1/2 Italian stallion means I’m accoustomed to having tomato based meals, pasta, and bread. I also love a good salad but on eating salad every day for two weeks some time ago, pushing past the itches and swelling, in a bid to lose weight I ended up with sinusitis. Hell that hurt! Another OAS effect when overexposed to the pollens/proteins (?) your allergic too. 

I can’t say I’ve given much of the avoid list up simply because I don’t know then what I should eat – looks like a water detox for me. It’s confusing. I do avoid the OAS foods most of the time only because it’s an instant physically reaction which drives me crazy whereas the other food restrictions are internalised, silently killing me (dramatic much? I must of just channelled Belle Gibson) and aren’t physically apparent until and hour or so later when I’m in agony. 

I love all food, I’m not a fussy eater, hence the reason I have gained 10kg in 18 months and I’m confused by it – not the 10kg gain but confused by the whole food thing in general. What to eat, how to make it delicious and nutritious. How to cure what I already have. You know I’d love to get up in the morning and just eat. Without thinking about what I can or can’t, should or shouldn’t or what I will regret later on in my day. 

So this is where my superheroes come in, aka you! If you’ve read this entire post then I pat you on the back and I also owe you an ear massage after all my unloading. If you have found anything that has worked for you, naturally, give it a shout out here! Give it a shameless plug if you have a product you 100% believe in. And by all means share with people who may have the same problems – I’d love to know there is someone, anyone, out there, relatable!

Go on! Cure me! 

One Love,

DRK xxx

Social Media – Ruining One Relationship At A Time

Never write a message when there are feelings attached because, as I have just learnt, things get misconstrued. You may deliver a message from your heart but the tone of it can be read in a very different way and then, well then shit really hits the fan.  I’m not one for confrontation and I certainly would never intentionally hurt another human beings feelings but today I did. I did, unintentionally, all because my “worries” and my “concerns” weren’t translated as I had intended and were interpreted as accusing, mean and angry. 

Making someone “see” something you see is hard at the best of times but when they are in an armoured fuck-you vehicle then you stand no chance at all and it’s best to just walk away, nah fuck it you better run! No matter how much it hurts! No matter how many years of friendship that are about to be tossed to the curb awaiting rubbish collection.

Today I’ve learnt to buffer the whole truth and nothing but the truth coz so help me God it doesn’t lead to anywhere I ever want to be again. Today I’ve learnt to keep my stupid mouth shut and continue to avoid confrontations at all costs even if it means not being true to what I’m really thinking. I am shaking and I am in shock. I feel like I’ve just witnessed myself and my friend in a car accident, all unfolding before my eyes in slow motion. I’m in shock because I have never, ever been spoken to by anyone, ever in my life like I was today. I have never been so misinterpreted, so misunderstood. I have never been told that someone regrets having had a friendship with me. I have never been told I am a nasty piece of work. And I don’t believe it for a second. I’ve spent my life caring for others, in fact I care for others more than myself most of the time. Sure I’ve bitched and whinged about people throughout my lifetime. I’ve vented to my friends about my friends or my kids or my husband and all back around again. Hell I’ve blogged about it numerous times. Sometimes I’ve been a shitty absent friend when caught up in my own crap but I’m not vengeful, spiteful or nasty. I am not a piece of shit and I would never, intentionally, hurt someone I care about. I hope she’s ok.

So today I learnt a lesson. In fact, I learnt many. Firstly, never, ever ask a friend if they unfriended you even if you know you were friends before and now suddenly you’re not – it may be a technological-fuck-up and not a human-decision-error. Never ask them that question because what happens from there is a series of reactions that don’t lead to a very good outcome. A simple question but not a simple outcome. I also learnt never to rely on social media to keep friendships safe because social media is the most unsocial way to connect with anyone ever. I learnt when being honest, filter at all costs! Honesty is not always well received especially if it’s not asked for. And finally I learnt if in doubt pick up the phone and talk. Get in your car, drive around, knock on their door and ask face to face. Never, ever rely on social media to relay a message especially when there are feelings attached to it, ever!

One love

DRK xxx

“Never, EVER, rely on a message to convey the emotions of the words it carries… Ever.” ~ Cristy O’Brien

The Bali Nine – It’s Over

It’s blindingly confronting hearing all the stories, all the discussions, all the arguments in the Bali nine case. I, as does the rest of the world it appears, have an opinion. Here it is:

It is sad that these two men were shot and killed. It is sad that their families are in pain. It is sad that they were given ten years to rehabilitate into different, perhaps decent, men, but I don’t know that I’ve never met them. It is sad that their choices got them killed (yes an execution is still murder) and it is saddest of all that their families are left in mourning. But Australia in it’s entirety does not mourn. I am not mourning them. Innocent men I mourn. Innocent children I mourn. I mourn the fact there wasn’t a more humane way to execute them, to end their lives by law. Why does is have to be such a bloody mess. Death is death but surely there is a different way. A lethal injection perhaps. A pill where you just won’t wake up in the morning.

All of it is sad but it is also the Indonesian Law. As it is in China, Thailand, Sri Lanka, Singapore, Malaysia, Vietnam and United Arab Emirates. It has been in place for long enough for people to know. It should not come as a shock to expect the death penalty if you smuggle drugs in these countries and are caught. You will be executed and that is the law no matter how tough or unfair we think that is. It doesn’t matter that child sex offenders and rapists don’t get the same treatment even though we all probably feel that this should definitely be the case. It absolutely should be the case in my eyes but yet murder is murder, right.

Those mourning the loss of these rehabilitated drug smugglers vow and declare to boycott Bali. Why? The only reason you should boycott Bali is if you plan on smuggling drugs and don’t want to be shot for doing so. The Balinese people have put up with Australian people for years. Their drunk, disrespectful behaviour. Their self righteousness. Their diva ways. The Balinese people have done nothing wrong to be vilified like this. They know their laws and yes, many of them break them, but they know the consequences, they accept them.

You are mourning just these two men but what about the other 7 of the Bali Nine? Do you know their names? Why do you mourn these two, the two who were the ringleaders? The ones who have contributed to the pain heroin has inflicted in our country. On our people. Ruined many lives. Isn’t it an injustice, based on our judicial system, that the other 7 will remain locked up for 20 years to life? What about their families? More tragically lets think of those in Nepal. So many INNOCENT lives lost. So much heartbreak and sadness. Light your candles and think of these people.This is real sorrow. Embrace and welcome the miracles of survival.

Look around our own neighbourhood. Mourn for those desperately trying to have a child spending years and fortunes with no success.  What about the children here that are fighting cancer? Terminal illnesses? Debilitating disabilities? Where is the funding and media attention for the men and women fighting for our country? Where are their human rights and why are you not fighting for them or holding candlelight vigils for their pain and suffering? These children, these families, these men and women are the heroes in our lives. Not convicted drug smugglers.

It’s time to let these two men go. Mourn for their families but move on. It’s over.

One love

DRK xxx

An infant's cry heard from the rubble

The heroes are here – the bare hands who rescued this 4 month old. Hands of strangers fighting for life. This is inspirational. This is a miracle.