I Thought We Were Done With This!

I know this is going to sound ludicrous to some people and then, some people will totally get what I mean when I say, every day, I fight an addiction to food. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it is 100% true for me. As a food lover I am addicted to carbs, sugar and eating because I am bored/tired/sad/lonely/happy/celebrating/whatever really. I have never been the kind of person who eats to live. I have never forgotten to have lunch or dinner. Instead I have always been that girl who lives to eat. It is a hard cycle to break because it is not like you can just “give up” food. Life revolves around food. Celebrations revolve around food. Sad events revolve around food. Life = food.

 

I have never been one of those people who could eat what they like without gaining a pound. I gain very easily. I gain too easily. Call it genetics. Call it “I fucked up my body with all my dieting”. Call it whatever you want but the truth is when I eat more then a very small amount I gain or at least sit at my overweight weight. But for the past 4 weeks I have been on the F45 Challenge with 4 weeks to go (but it doesn’t really end there you and I both know that). Usually I would have given up by now so I will give myself some credit for that. I have also lost 6kg (13 pounds) in that four weeks which I know is good, great even, but I am hard on myself. I’ve lost 6kg even though I am only doing the food part of the challenge due to existing physical issues and another one I decided to add the first weekend of the challenge. Six kilos is a good amount but it could have been better coz I have not been perfect.

 

I question myself and my motives every day more than once, in fact every passing minute. On one hand I have this voice saying why are you doing this, love yourself as you are, you’ve had five kids, life is short, you only live once, it is ok to love food, to be slim means giving everything up, to be slim means you will be miserable, I thought we were done with this battle, if you give this food up now the next time you try it you are going to gain every kilo back so why even bother… On and on.

 

I get slammed.

 

Then faintly in the background I hear… this will pass, you are on your way, imagine how great you are going to feel, drink more water, you aren’t hungry you are bored/tired/procrastinating, you are doing this BECAUSE you love yourself, think of all the clothes you will be able to wear again, imagine feeling good every day, imagine feeling like you again…

 

The talking in my head is a cataclysmic royal pain in my arse.

 

But onward I march. I will quieten those voices. I will reach my goals. I will look back briefly only to see how far that I have come. I will keep moving forward because even if the progress is slow it is still progress and for that I will keep on keeping on and when that fails I will read back over this blog and another blog I wrote last year “Five Tips to Stop Over Eating and Start Losing Weight”. I should really listen to the words I give to others – it makes sense + would be so much more powerful if I actually lived it instead of preached it.

 

My top six goals:

  1. To be able to take my wedding rings off to get cleaned (they’ve been stuck on for the past 3 years)
  2. To fit into my jeans again without having to have the top button undone AND ending up with terrible tummy pains from squishing everything in so tight.
  3. To eat only when actually hungry and be satisfied with a balanced diet
  4. To have a waist line of under 80cm
  5. To have a body fat of under 29%

 

It will take me longer than the eight weeks but progress is still progress. Wish me luck!

Quitter

Oh and P.S I am baaaaccckkkk… ❤ SAHDRK xox

Master of Exercise – Master of Health – True Story!

My health is important to me. It used to be (used to be as in a couple of weeks ago) just about my weight – that illusive number – but due to lots of recent (like really recent) awakenings I now know I want to feel healthy coz, quite simply, I can’t feel 60kg … That’s just a number it isn’t a describing word, or as those smart people say, an adjective. You cannot “feel” 60kg unless you have really, really big giant hands and you are cradling 6 x 1kg bags of loose potatoes. So in keeping with this feeling healthy (which really is something you can feel) I’ve upped the exercise in the last three weeks, not to punish myself like in previous lives but because I actually enjoy (yeah I said it) the way the end result makes me feel – there’s that feel word again, ah think I’m going to vomit! So, yeah, a few weeks of health awareness means I am definitely now your Guru! Read on and you’ll see why!

No approval neededUpping exercise started with walking every morning with my Mum and pushing my 2 year old in the pram. We initially started with 3kms around the blocks which are pretty flat surfaces, then we have upped it to 4kms using big hills as the non-toxic heart starters. Doing it every morning means my day starts out right (I can’t speak for my Mum but she does come along willingly, I promise) and as a bonus it gets the noisy early riser out of the house before he wakes everyone else up!

One day I was not feeling completely satisfied with my morning walk so I decided to add some treadmill action in at lunchtime.  I started with a walk/jog and then days in I pushed it to interval training of walking at a steep incline and jogging/sprinting on the flats. Once I had managed to conquer 5km with some left in my tank I decided to push it further again by adding 25 push ups, 20 tricep dips and a yoga(ish) style cool down and a blessed thanking to the universe to end my sessions.

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Yep, I’m hardly graceful or flexible but I give it a go!

So I’m thinking, “Awesome, I got this fitness shit nailed!” and decided to push myself to the next level. I’ve been a fitness head before so I was feeling like this was me making my big fit chic comeback…

Now if you are a friend or a follower of my blog you know that I have certain weight and body issues which means I own every fitness, health and food app you can ever think of to further confuse and frustrate me. There’s this one app in particular that I knew I had to give a red hot go, possibly because I had already given it a super review just to convince the world that I do indeed use these apps… The phone app in question? PT in My Pocket. Which is as it says … A Personal Trainer in your pocket or palm of you hand or in my case placed precariously on the edge of my bed end. I picked a 10 minute session with the best intentions of doing it twice maybe even three times if I was still feeling it. And I did it. I finished it….. Once. Then I spent the next 1.5hrs dry retching, shaking like a leaf and unable to sleep – yeah I thought it was a good idea to do it at 9 o’clock at night, I’m not just a pretty face right, I’m smart too!

Days later I am still reeling from this bitch called PT in My Pocket. I have throbbing pains in places that shouldn’t throb unless you’ve had a wild fifty shades of grey night ….. with your entire neighbourhood! And there are more aches than the osteoarthritis clinic waiting room on pension day. These are not the good aches and pains of oh-shit-I-cant-sit-down-coz-my-muscles-are-so-freaking-awesome type but more like the uh-oh-I-think-you’re-getting-a-bit-too-ambitious-and-old-to-be-a-try-hard-hardcore-fit-chic-oh-shit-was-that-a-tendon pain.

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I’m hurting. So is my pride. Where has my awesomeness gone? Where has my 45 minute training without vomiting gone? 10 minutes! Seriously?! Now I have to wait until the bursitis in my knee settles down AND I have pay for a physio appointment to help get me back into … well into some type of normal human like stance AND I have to remember to keep my mouth from opening up and whining otherwise my husbands ears might bleed….

There is so much to be grateful for … Must. Stop. Whining!

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Soooooooooo tell me about your awesome workouts? Who ACTUALLY nailed it today … Go on inspire me….. PLEEEAASSSEE!

One Love

DRK xxx