Dreams & Dirty Thoughts

My Hubbie and I travelled home through the Swan Valley the other day which can only be described as lusciously dewy, especially in the mornings. We’ve done this trek many times and as usual it stirs up some long sitting dreams within us. It always starts out the same with my husband declaring that he would love to give up his day job and instead build wooden wagon wheels to sell Australia wide. Yes you read that right, wooden wagon wheels to sell Australia wide. He’d also love to own a draft horse, he says, and have a (home-made) carriage so we could hire it out for weddings occasionally….. It’s quite a sweet dream I’m just not sure how profitable wagon wheel selling is since… well since man invented cars?! But who am I to judge says the girl who is hoping to invent mosquitoes that suck fat.

We, also always discuss our common dream of having a B&B – mine luxuriously OTT with everything you could ask for and more (more as in stuff that is pretty useless but pretty all the same) and his is an upgraded version of mine site donger with the basic necessities and definitely no pretties. Our “matching” dream of running a B&B usually ends there because that is where my even crazier visualisations take over and my mouth follows suit. I have always said if I could attach a printer to my brain it would help people understand what I can ‘see’ in there – my next important invention alongside fat sucking mosquitoes… So before I know it I am telling him our B&B will be on lush, green acreage – totally realistic in this sunburnt Australian country! It is also purpose built for wedding one stop extravaganzas! By one-stop I mean there will be a stone ‘chapel’ which is cute yet totally practical, a reception hall decked out with all the mod-cons but with plenty of character and breathtaking beauty and of course, accommodation for the bridal party, guests and a kick-ass bridal suite for the lovebirds. I also added at the end of the conversation that we would also need a big bus to transport people back into town after the wedding… At this point my husband looked at me funny. Yep, that visual brain of mine got totally carried away confusing dreams with reality….. But that is so totally me and they are the luxurious additions to his simple dream of a bed and breakfast, wagon wheels and a horse drawn cart…. One Powerball and we can have it all … Except the year round lush green grass – courtesy of the Aussie summers!

While I had my hubbie in a chatty mood, which is rare because he’s generally pretty quiet, I asked him if he would like to inspire my next post for me. I asked him to think of a sentence to start me off or tell me something he’d heard/read/seen recently that was funny. Something that would get the writing juices flowing for the next four hours in the car. Well, surprisingly, his eyes lit up, a smile that I have seen a billion times spread across his face and his head started making fast paced whirring noises but as he opened his mouth to speak I interrupted him, as all good wives should, and said “It can’t be dirty, ok?” … Instantly his eyes lost their twinkle and the cheeky smile vanished from his face and I could tell he was trying real hard to think of something clean because the whirring noise turned into clanging and banging, I’m pretty sure I saw a puff of smoke come out of his nose too. That part of his brain hasn’t been used for awhile. Silence then followed for a moment as I left him to catch his thoughts until finally he said, “Nup. I got nothing! Unless you want to tell them about my dream the other night. You know the one with me and you and the really flexible girl on our dining table?” Yep and nup! I do NOT want to write a post about that. I am all good for classy girls swearing but dirty mens talk should be left in the shed as should womens unsugar-coated venting be left at the coffee shop because isn’t that all we do all day ladies?!

So, then this is it. This is your husband inspired post. A moment, a small slice of conversation between a husband and wife as they discuss their dreams and visions for the future. A post about our dreams and his dirty mind.

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He really is!

 

One love,

DRK xxx

I once slept with Johnny Depp

I dreamt some really weird shit last night. Also the night before that AND the night before that too!

I dreamt about friends being really mean, murderers out to get me, then me murdering one of them in self defence with their own weapon which was those star disc thingamabobs that you see in the ninja movies…… It’s called a Shuriken apparently (thanks Google!) – don’t ask me to pronounce it though!

My self defence included a very detailed scene of being squirted with blood from a gashed thigh artery. I think it even went in my mouth – why would I dream something so graphic! Let me tell you it wasn’t pleasant. This is the first time I’ve had a dream like this but I often dream of mean girls and a cheating partner which generally gets my day off to a bad start. This usually involves me rolling over and whacking my husband on the shoulder with my cranky-pants-husky-morning-breath voice accusingly yelling “You cheated on me last night.” Yep, that means no morning glory sunshine coz you jumped into my dream and bed with another woman!

I used to analyse my dreams, keep a dream diary and try connect the dots. Now I am just thankful for being able to sleep and watch movies at the same time. I’ve always been a very visual and creative person so its no wonder my brain can’t shut off. If only my hand could type while I’m sleeping coz then I would be pumping out some pretty awesome best selling novels!

I once slept with Johnny Depp. He’s my hall pass. I’ve been in love with him since the late 1980’s so to finally get a chance to shag him was pretty … well it was a dream come true or not really a dream come true more truthfully just a dream. Oh well better then thigh slicing with Shurikens! Hoping Channing Tatum might visit me next 🙂

Here’s some Johnny love to brighten your Friday…….

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One Love

DRK xxx