I know this is going to sound ludicrous to some people and then, some people will totally get what I mean when I say, every day, I fight an addiction to food. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it is 100% true for me. As a food lover I am addicted to carbs, sugar and eating because I am bored/tired/sad/lonely/happy/celebrating/whatever really. I have never been the kind of person who eats to live. I have never forgotten to have lunch or dinner. Instead I have always been that girl who lives to eat. It is a hard cycle to break because it is not like you can just “give up” food. Life revolves around food. Celebrations revolve around food. Sad events revolve around food. Life = food.
I have never been one of those people who could eat what they like without gaining a pound. I gain very easily. I gain too easily. Call it genetics. Call it “I fucked up my body with all my dieting”. Call it whatever you want but the truth is when I eat more then a very small amount I gain or at least sit at my overweight weight. But for the past 4 weeks I have been on the F45 Challenge with 4 weeks to go (but it doesn’t really end there you and I both know that). Usually I would have given up by now so I will give myself some credit for that. I have also lost 6kg (13 pounds) in that four weeks which I know is good, great even, but I am hard on myself. I’ve lost 6kg even though I am only doing the food part of the challenge due to existing physical issues and another one I decided to add the first weekend of the challenge. Six kilos is a good amount but it could have been better coz I have not been perfect.
I question myself and my motives every day more than once, in fact every passing minute. On one hand I have this voice saying why are you doing this, love yourself as you are, you’ve had five kids, life is short, you only live once, it is ok to love food, to be slim means giving everything up, to be slim means you will be miserable, I thought we were done with this battle, if you give this food up now the next time you try it you are going to gain every kilo back so why even bother… On and on.
I get slammed.
Then faintly in the background I hear… this will pass, you are on your way, imagine how great you are going to feel, drink more water, you aren’t hungry you are bored/tired/procrastinating, you are doing this BECAUSE you love yourself, think of all the clothes you will be able to wear again, imagine feeling good every day, imagine feeling like you again…
The talking in my head is a cataclysmic royal pain in my arse.
But onward I march. I will quieten those voices. I will reach my goals. I will look back briefly only to see how far that I have come. I will keep moving forward because even if the progress is slow it is still progress and for that I will keep on keeping on and when that fails I will read back over this blog and another blog I wrote last year “Five Tips to Stop Over Eating and Start Losing Weight”. I should really listen to the words I give to others – it makes sense + would be so much more powerful if I actually lived it instead of preached it.
My top six goals:
- To be able to take my wedding rings off to get cleaned (they’ve been stuck on for the past 3 years)
- To fit into my jeans again without having to have the top button undone AND ending up with terrible tummy pains from squishing everything in so tight.
- To eat only when actually hungry and be satisfied with a balanced diet
- To have a waist line of under 80cm
- To have a body fat of under 29%
It will take me longer than the eight weeks but progress is still progress. Wish me luck!
Oh and P.S I am baaaaccckkkk… ❤ SAHDRK xox