The ‘Sometimes’ Thoughts of a Parent

Sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I’m sorry to say it but I do. It’s so normal to feel this way yet we aren’t allowed to say it out loud as we are deemed ungrateful, spoilt, jealous. I had kids young and then I continued having kids until I felt old. And one day, before I know it and probably before my youngest has left home I will be a grandparent which is wonderful and all but then I’ll still be here. Doing what it feels like I have always done.

Not much.

A stay at home mum.

A taxi driver.

A cleaner.

A cook.

None of which I excel at. Or so it feels. It’s fucking ruthless though.

And I sound ungrateful. Yet it’s real. I’ve just watched my newsfeed tell me how wonderful other peoples lives are. They’re living the dream. Living abroad. Travelling the world and only now settling down to have babies. People I went to school with who were smarter and more committed to their future than I ever was. I wanted things now. Like a baby. Like a marriage. The first one didn’t work so why not do it again. The furtherest I have travelled is Bali when I was 11, hardly self-sufficient. Then Melbourne a couple of times. I am not worldly. I’m not even sure if this is what bothers me. I’m not convinced that I want ‘worldly’ in my nature.

I haven’t set myself up financially. My husband did that. Don’t get me wrong I worked. I worked my butt off in many jobs while being a single mother. And when I finally got myself secure in a permanent job selling real estate, and doing quite well, my hubby came along, swept me off my feet and asked me for two more kids. Which I gave him for love. But I also gave up what I’d hoped to be a forging career. But maybe I am not cut out for that. Maybe a career is not my thing. Parenting is. And of course I am going to tell you that I would never take it back. And I mean it. My kids drive me bonkers and make me question everything there is in this life but they also give meaning to my life … But somedays I have to first peel back a few layers. And somedays I worry – do they even like me? Do they wish they had a better/funner/more organised Mum? The stress of raising little humans into big humans is fucking scary. What if I fuck up? What if I have already fucked up and there is nothing I can do to change it?

When I go to my school reunion late this year – who am I? Who have I become? Where are all my great stories? There is only so much kid-talking you can do before yawning begins and they find someone far more interesting … And less drunk. Is this an achievement? The fact I have had five kids? Is this the biggest achievement I have made in my life? Again, I know this sounds ungrateful. I know to people without children this sounds like fingernails down a very ugly and very selfish chalkboard. But I am asking it anyway.

My responsibilities lie at home. My house. My husband. My kids. That is my job. My career. Somehow this doesn’t satisfy the burning for something more. The desire to be doing something else. But then I remember that even if I do something else this will always be here – but harder. There will be just as much to do except with less time to do it if I devote my time elsewhere, to me. To something I want to do.

I am a Mum forever. I know how lucky I am to say that. But what else am I? It’s a rhetorical question. Just a thought after a relentless day.

One love

DRK xxx

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Menstrual Cups *Women Only*

It was recently my birthday …

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I know. I know. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you Brad.

For the evening of my birthday I celebrated with the women I am closest to in life and true to our sisterhood we were free to discuss everything openly.

We are lucky like that.

It wasn’t long, probably around a bottle of champagne, until menstrual cups came up in conversation. Yes, menstrual cups.

A few sisters knew what a menstrual cup was but hadn’t tried them, a couple were like, “What the fuck is a mentrual cup?!” and then there was me … on day 5 of menstrual cupping for the first time ever.

So with this topic as various stages of understanding the discussion opened up and flowed (yes *shudder* pun intended) into deeper more specific levels of talk.

What does it look like? How do you put it in? How do you take it out? Is it safe? How gross is it? What is it’s usage life? What do you mean you can wear it overnight and not flood? Can my daughter wear one? Do they come in different sizes? Is it comfortable? This question always comes after seeing the picture of a menstrual cup.

Well for those of you who also want to know these answers in a very simple unbiased way then read on. I will do my best to answer it as a beginner user and nowhere near being a pro… I also want to let you know that I have not been asked to review this and I am no way affiliated with the company of my menstrual cup BUT I realised at my birthday dinner that there are women who are unable to discuss these types of things with the other women in their life. Which is fine, I’m not judging, but if you wanted to know from a real person using them then here are the answers….

What does it look like? Well it looks as it sounds… Just like a cup, except it has no base to stand up and instead a tab. Like a champagne glass without its base which would normally be messy but not in this case.

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How do you put it in? It’s made of a silicone material so it is bendable so don’t freak out about the above picture. The particular brand and model (Model 2) that I bought is sturdier than the other option called, originally, Model 1, which is for virgins which I am definitely not. To place it inside you just need to fold it twice and insert. It really is that simple. You might need to find the most comfortable way to do this but it won’t take you long. Promise.

How do you take it out? At the bottom of the cup is a tab that acts like the string except it doesn’t hang out. You bear down like you would in childbirth or just doing a big poo and you gently pull on the tab. I found if you move it side to side and pinch the bottom of the cup once you reach it then it unsuctions itself and voila – Bobs not your Uncle but Flo is your Aunt.

Is it safe? Yes they say. I left mine overnight and no TSS not that I’ve ever had it with tampons. So far I haven’t lost it ‘up there’ in neverland and I have always found it easy enough to remove – don’t google horror stories before you’ve given it a crack.

How gross is it? It is a little bit gross and you do have to be prepared as to when and where you are removing it – purely for hygienic reasons. It’s not like you can be in a public toilet cubicle pull it out and go rinse it in the sink and then go back to the cubicle and refit it. BUT you can buy disinfectant wipes to do it while on the go and out and about but I would avoid it initially til you are pro. My advice is to always be prepared before you remove – especially for us heavy flow-ers. Toilet paper, flushable wipes, positioning. You’ll get what I mean when you do it.

What’s the usage life? Well that depends who you ask and how you care for it but considering that thing is wedged up your private bits for some time every month I would expect you would care for it pretty proper! Some websites say they should be replaced every year while others say up to 10 years. I can’t say based on my own knowledge but I will just see how it’s fairing on my 38th birthday.

What do you mean you can wear it overnight and not flood? Seriously! I am pretty heavy but the beauty of it is that if inserted properly it creates a seal and allows you to flow naturally with a catcher rather than an absorber that once is fully absorbed starts leaking. I haven’t had an overflow on my first week but I’ve been pretty vigil about checking and emptying. I have, however, been able to leave it in overnight without a flood in the morning. Great news.

Can my teenage daughter wear one? Yes. There is a Model 1 for our newbies and one would assume virgins – they’re not married right?! Just like learning how to insert tampons the menstrual cup is a learning curve but with extra considerations like cleanliness. In saying that my teen went out and bought herself one as soon as she heard I was trialling one. I’ll get her feedback.

Do they come in different sizes? Yes as mentioned the particular brand I bought came in two sizes. Model 1 and Model 2. Model 1 is a softer silicone and is smaller. Perfect for those who haven’t had sexual intercourse or have light flows and Model 2 is better suited to heavier flows, those sexually active or that have had children – nicer way of saying you have a bigger twat, you know.

Is it comfortable? Yes. By Day 5 of my cycle I had it totally sussed and then on Day 7 (yes I bled for 7-8 days every 28 days) I didn’t even know it was there – actually someone might need to remind me each month… The first few days I wasn’t sure about it being 100% comfort factor down there but when I mastered it it definitely was.

So there you have it.

Would I recommend it? Yes absolutely!

Will I go back to tampons? No way!

I paid $59.95 for my MC which sounds expensive but I spend about $240 on pads and tampons over a year so if this thing works for a year I am already winning.

One love

DRK xxx