Marriage, sex & a genie

** WARNING **
DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU ARE MY FATHER, OR ONE OF MY KIDS (you’ll be scarred! Scarred I tell ya!), OR RELATED TO ME IN ANYWAY LEAVE THIS PAGE NOW IF YOU ARE AN IN-LAW (please don’t do this to me or yourself). SHUT DOWN YOUR COMPUTER AT ONCE IF YOU ARE EASILY EMBARRASSED, SENSITIVE, SQUEAMISH, UNABLE TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE AFTER READING JUICY DETAILS ABOUT SEX AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE WORDS WET, FUCK or PUSSY. SO PLEASE IF YOU DON’T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR … LEAVE. NOW!

 GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD!

Let’s break it down …. Sex, boffing, nookie, quickies, porking and poking, to a married woman, sometimes feels like a chore, a task, another domestic duty. It’s just something else a monogamous woman has to add to her mental, emotional and physical list of ‘pleasing’ others. It’s neither fun nor painful but just .. well .. just plain annoying, kinda like having to feed the kids. Every. Single. Damn. Night.

Rumpy-pumpy with an eager-to-please partner can be considered much like an internal examination, except it’s not happening every 2 years, it’s expected daily, twice daily for some! The type of internal I am discussing here is where a doctor, regardless of gender, shoves their hand ‘up there’ and cops a good feel for their own (medical) satisfaction. The only difference between doctor and your hubbies style is that the doctor is looking for anomalies, concerned for your health and wellbeing while the husband is frantically searching for the exclusive G-Spot, concerned for his sexual prowess and masterful carnal abilities… Nope, that’s not it sweetie, you’ve gone too far and now you’re scratching the back of my tonsils. It’s during these ‘internals’ with your man that you are likely to be flat on your back thinking “Are you done yet?” Or disapproving your sharp unmanicured fingernails or even after a few long minutes of thrusting you begin the desperate and silent prayer for one of the kids to wake up so he will have to hurry the fuck up and finish off.

Sex can sometimes mean your lady bits get rubbed like your man is polishing silverware. Really tarnished silverware. A really tarnished silver lamp. A really tarnished silver Genie lamp. Furiously rubbing that special lamp to make a magical Genie appear … From your vagina. Sometimes you wish that vulva Genie would indeed appear so you could make three wishes – the first wish being that he stops rubbing  before he chafes your pubic bone. Sometimes sex involves lots of kissing – like they do in the movies …. Except it’s actually reality and it’s morning and your breath smells like someone’s laid a turdy in your mouth. Second wish – breath mints and a cold shower – for him! Sometimes in the lead up to sex, your husband’s version of foreplay (which goes on all day) is a slap on the arse, a grope of the tits, a few rotatory swings of his dick and a suggestively asked question “So, how ‘bout it?” Wish three – limp dick!

For the majority of women that I know and have intimate discussions with, this all seems relatively normal. Normal to rate sex and chores on the same level sometimes – especially during a long term relationship with more than one kid. But I don’t dare speak for all women because I happen to personally know a few exceptions to this and they are real life, everyday women who are just absolutely crazy for a bit of horizontal hula. They’d be balls deep all day with their husbands if they didn’t have to work or eat or feed the fruit of their pounding loins. They’re like rabbits on viagra, they can’t get enough of the salami feeding the kitty! God bless their raging salami loving … ahh … umm … meows! For me, though, sometimes I’d rather just go ahead and poke myself… In the eye… With an actual salami.

Hey while we are talking poking here’s a good tip to all men out there – when a woman says “make it quick” – mate you need to move that broomstick like a lightning bolt alright?! In-out, in-out, roasted? Good now get off us we’ve got stuff to do.

Sex isn’t like in the movies and the only time it is remotely close to that passionate and consensual ecstasy is in your dreams… with Channing Tatum… and sometimes his wife or Pink. Sex is an avoidance. It’s women sneaking into bed, usually unsuccessfully, because even though he doesn’t hear the kids cry at night he can certainly hear the non-existent purr of your pussy. So many men whine about their wives not ‘putting out’ enough but hey princess, put out the washing, put the kids to bed, put your swinging dick back in your pants and maybe we might consider putting out more often but hey, probs not.

Disclaimer: I love my husband and in Australia he’d be known as a “decent shag”. He’s not selfish in the bedroom and likes to please which is sometimes his downfall coz when you’re not in the mood and he wants you to be in the mood things can really drag on. My husband hangs out the washing and he always puts the little kids to bed when he’s home. If only he could learn that slapping his willy on the end of the bed isn’t considered foreplay and as a reminder to all men dicks arent pretty no matter which angle you look at them. I actually have a great sex life with my husband whom I’m still very much attracted too.


UPDATE: This is a story. Not a true story. This is not a narration of my sex life. This is an accumulation of stories told by many women, over many years, over many coffees, wines, tears, laughter and sometimes all of these things at once. It’s ok. I’m ok. He’s ok. We’re ok. Oh and before you comment or send me crazy arse threatening emails have a read of Part 2 and if you still feel inclined to freak out let me tell you right now …. I don’t care.

71 thoughts on “Marriage, sex & a genie

  1. Les :) says:

    I think 95 % of women think of sex like this they are treating sex the wrong way. Its why so so many marriages don’t last 😦

    You see its all about kissing & cuddling ( we all need affection ) this is making ”LOVE” Love isn’t for life you have to keep making it, Remember when you first meet your man you would have done a lot of kissing & cuddling you where making LOVE.

    Don’t treat sex as another chore you are making LOVE

    Affection = LOVE

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      I absolutely agree Les, I really, really do. But sometimes it’s difficult to get passed that ‘chore’ feeling especially when on a daily basis you feel like everyone just wants a piece of you. And sometimes you just want your body and your mind to yourself for awhile. I know men definitely relate sex to feeling loved and this is important to them, women less so. Sometimes hugs without humps is the way to go 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Alyson Stewart says:

      This is how men think of sex, definitely not most women. Most men rarely kiss or cuddle. Women are wired differently, and men don’t understand that only feel they are right and women should think like men. This is the reason for so many divorces.

      Like

      • John Roket says:

        Except that it is ‘some’ men or ‘most’ men but not ‘all’ men.

        Believe it or not, there are some men out here who work long hours, raise our kids, think our wives are amazing and strong and that we are fortunate that they stay married to us and put up with our man shit.

        Some of us vacuum and wash clothes and repair vehicles, build decks and do man shit for our families, stand in the back yard at 4 in the morning with a cricket bat because the dogs went apeshit at something, pitch tents and grocery shop, go down/suck pussy for ‘as long as it takes’, and have hot delicious healthy meals waiting for our wives when they have put in 10 hours at the office, after we have put in our 8 or 9 but just got through the door first so got on the kitchen tools, and some of us out here wouldn’t dream of being a burden or putting her through the chore of copping our cock when she didn’t want to just so we can ejaculate inside her for our own gratification alone.

        You see, some of us have been there and realised, that is not who we are, that is not what we want for our wives, out of respect and admiration that she is willing to put herself through this for me when she doesn’t really want to. My wife isn’t a piece of meat or a living breathing fleshlight, waiting around in an aroused state just for my own gratification.

        My wife and I do share a lot of intimacy, kissing and cuddling and fooling around of the kind we used to do before we even had sex in our relationship almost 25 years ago. I even desire this and find the breathless, steamy, gropey, clothes in the way, freight train rush in the ears buildup to it more enjoyable than the actual sex – that is never long enough no matter how long it is.

        I can count on one hand the times I have ‘had to put out’ for her when she was horny and I not so much but I decided sometime ago that I am only going to be interested if she is. And being a man, that i should be hot to trot at any time mostly so should be good to go if she feels like it. And the rest of the time when she doesn’t feel like it, maintenance is simply some me time cleaning out the pipes.

        I also couldn’t take any more the whole ‘climbing the walls horny’ and she not feeling the same way situation and being really sexually frustrated. So I just stopped working myself up into a frothing lather, chilled, and if things got ‘built up’ enough, go and sort myself out with a bit of me time.

        Yes I do get the ‘why don’t I initiate more/do you still find me attractive’ womansplaining (believe it or not, seems no one is happy all the time, no matter what you do) to which I have replied that I am not interested unless she is interested.

        We don’t do it as often, I don’t get as frustrated, gone are the terrible feelings of guilt that I coerced her into doing something she didn’t want to and when we actually get to have some now, it can be as wild and satisfying as when we started dating.

        My wife is my best friend, my life partner and soul mate and being those things to me, I just could not reconcile with her being my sexual object of pleasure that had to be wet and ready for me to come in whenever I felt like it regardless of how she felt. How can that ever be respectful or evolved?

        Liked by 2 people

      • superwomanseven says:

        John Rocket what can I say … But it all makes sense. I hope you know my post was theoretically female based but that it is not really gender specific. I know men who are the stay-at-homers. I know men that have to reject their wives advances at times. It’s, like I’ve mentioned before in other comments, unbalanced libidos. Which is tough sometimes for all – the one ready to explode and the other who feels guilty.

        You sound like you do so much and I can’t tell you how much I love your last paragraph. Even with the word “wet” it’s still a beautiful comment to make about your wife and women. X

        Like

    • John says:

      What a terrible thing to say, in fact this is only a blog of a unstable person filled with incoherant rants about mundane and unimportant things – not worth my time or anyone elses for that matter. If this is your job then I suggest you stop or stop trying to make it be and stop filling heads of other gullible women with this rubbish opinions.

      If you find sex a chore, that’s your problem. Not everyone elses..other women have fulfilling lives and dont need to blog about it like you have. Your going to call me a hater or a troll because quite frankly I dont agree with your opinions, to that all I have to say if you are ignorant and wrong.

      I feel sorry for your husband, as when he wants sex or wants to make love to you, your disinterested as you think its like cleaning the house – loveless marriage caused by the selfish woman – ie you.

      Like

      • superwomanseven says:

        I’m not going to call you a troll or a hater John. I’m not typically a name-caller. But you did have a choice here and that was to not read my pathetic-non-job-blog if you disliked it so much. You even went to the effort of writing a comment when you could have stopped mid warning and moved on with your fulfilling day.

        Trust me I have more than enough men and women who actually have a crass sense of humour – they’re keepers – and plenty of people who relate to my blog whether it be about sex, weightloss, kids or death! I am actually quite a deep and reflective person and completely stable mentally and in my marriage too!

        As I’ve said on one of my other mundane unimportant posts (part 2) this post in particular wasn’t all about my sex life but a compounded story of many conversations with many women who are actually in very loving relationships. When it feels like a ‘chore’ it doesn’t mean we don’t love our husbands. It means we are tired of being in demand on that particular day/moment.

        There is also a word called exaggeration. It’s called having a laugh. It’s called getting a life that’s not so serious, John. I hope you weren’t held at gunpoint to read this hideous text I produced. Be sure not to stop by in the future. Take care and thanks for your valued opinion xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • Chris A says:

        SUPERWOMANSEVEN: I don’t know why you let this one through; it’s just pointless negativity that uselessly takes up space on your blog. Some people just run around the internet looking for places to put their negativity because that’s their only way to get noticed; they have nothing creative, constructive, or positive to offer.
        As for “Mundane and unimportant things”, they are part of everyone’s lives and are well worth writing about and reading about if the writing is well done, which yours is. Anyway, in the final examination, with enough analysis and reduction, everything is mundane and unimportant.
        And ‘John’ shouldn’t have to look too far through the comments to see that women are not your only readers (himself included).

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Margaret says:

    Sex everyday! Good lord your a nice wife, I struggle with once a week sometimes I can get away with once a month. I think it would be nice if husbands understood that if we don’t want sex it doesn’t mean we don’t love them and that unfortunately frequent sex is uncommon in a marriage with kids.

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      Oh god no it’s definitely not every day – I just know that’s how often he WOULD like it! Mind you I do get a “break” from the pressure of performing every second week because he works away 😁 Bonus is that my hubbie still thinks I’m as hot as when he met me 😍

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Bill Magill says:

    It’s not easy to write this well, this funny. As a guy who shares some of your husband’s peccadilloes you just gave me a huge smile, and that is priceless. With much appreciation and encouragement. – Bill

    Liked by 2 people

  4. TL says:

    I get that many men are are clueless and selfish in bed. Respectfully, (and absolutely unfairly) though, too many women do not own their needs and desires and do not communicate them directly to their partners. Being socialized to please, tip-toe around men’s needs and perceived feelings, and shamed for having and expressing desires of their own, too few women will say “stop”, “go”, “more”, or “less” when it comes to sexy times. Or they will hint or use euphemisms, hoping their partner will catch on.

    As a straight man, I invite women to be direct. Subtlty and hints won’t work with most men. Some men may be able to enjoy sexy times even if you are not into it, but I think most men would like you to want it and enjoy it as much as they. How are they to know if you won’t be honest and direct with your needs and preferences?

    Like

  5. Alyson Stewart says:

    Take solace that in his fifties it just might slow down a little, very little. Women’s hormones and desires at this age are running on empty, but men still have a reserve of hormones as well as a desire that appears like a long lost friend when the kids go off to college. It puts us in the position of continuing to serve someone else’s needs while trying to regain our lives after empty nesting. I think this a huge reason why many couples divorce when the last kid graduates high school. Only men’s needs are being met at this time, and women are left wondering, “What about me? Am I ever going to get a turn?”.

    That being said, your story reads like every single one of my girlfriends’ stories, and we are in our forties and fifties. The biggest complaint is that affection is zilch in between sex romps. No hugs, handholding, cuddling, or back rubs. In fact, since most husbands think this is an invitation to sex, my friends purposefully rebuke any rare sign of affection going so far as to pick a fight to avoid having sex.

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      Ha yes I have heard that it’ll change from many women in their 50/60’s and that it switches to women wanting it and men slowing down. Which is totally ok – libidos ebb and flow and that is the nature of many things in a long term/forever relationship.

      As for affection it can be a challenge to convince partners that bum slapping isn’t real affection and that cuddles without happy endings are actually really beautiful. When that cuddle is their only intention it usually turns into a happy ending anyway because you are feeling the connection.

      Luckily we have a relationship where we talk and joke about these things. We don’t take life too seriously and I also understand that even if I don’t feel like it it is actually very important to him and how he feels connection.

      Marriages take work, commitment and a fair bit of obligation sex during this time in a marriage when there are young kids. Give and take though. It balances out in the end. X

      Liked by 1 person

    • raybies says:

      I feel men and women are very different sexually with the female sex drive diving after 45ish (not all but many). I think if guys are driven/healthy in anyway and the kids have gone then if your partner does not want to be intimate once in a while just leave them. The same should apply for the woman as well. Because the person with zero/low hormones cannot possibly understand the issues it causes and thinks its ok not to engage in intimacy even if you express your desire. If you have a strong connection and/or sex does not matter to both then fine. But if you do have a strong drive and you think you can sort it out by staying with your partner, then you will suffer greatly because you are being guided by one of the most powerful influences in evolution. Even with a great relationship, if the other person does not want to be intimate at all, my advice in this situation is leave because eventually your hormones will guide you to create a situation where leaving is an option or you will turn to drugs or drink, or you will be unfaithful. Its a sad fact but a real one. If you have no sex drive, then find a partner with roughly the same sex drive. Dont let the other person try to shame you into thinking you are oversexed or a freak or perverted. They are statements from someone who has no more or little drive. Share your life with someone who wants to share themselves as well – both mentally and physically.

      Like

      • Andrew says:

        Your comment does have many realities, I am a husband married 31 years, have a good relationship and intimate life. Being now 60 I look back at the stages we come through as people and the stage you speak of in your journey. In our 20s and 30s our lives are busy with making a home, having children and a sex life thrown into the mix. But some time in our late 30s and early 40s we find ourselves pausing and assessing our lives so far and begin to see what we really want in our relationships with our wife or husband. We have spent our lives up to now relating to each other through conversations about our children and our everyday life but now realise that we now need to feel really connected and loved by someone. It is human nature to lose interest in someone if we feel they are not sensitive to how we need to be loved and understood because we now realise also that in life the need for love is far more important than any material possession. It is true what you say which is even though to leave someone is against the social grain there are powerful forces in us that take over and it is not about sex but about the love and intimacy in a relationship that is expressed through sex. Men when young are driven where women have a flame that that needs to be kindled in a particular way for every different woman as no two are the same and it is this that wives want their husbands to know about them so that they feel connected and loved. There is so much confusion sometimes because women are sometimes neutral sexually, meaning they like sex but never feel like it until they are wooed and then we have a few who are the instigators of intimacy which most men think is how women should be but in reality it is mostly not true. And then we have some that don’t seem to have any interest in sex at all. A woman will find a freedom when she knows which one she is but I believe that a sensitive man will learn how to woo which ever one his wife is and both will experience the deeper connection they both are looking for. Men do not naturally know how a woman works and a wife wishes her husband would know what she needs but without any communication then both will feel more and more isolated from each other. A couple need to have the first kind of intimacy and what is it ? Communication because it is the first foundation for intimacy and without it intimacy is empty. They say women make love while men have sex which is really true to some degree but if both feel connected then both will feel love in the bedroom. People need to first tell each other what love is to them both in and out of the bedroom, what makes you feel loved. This is overlooked in relationships and people never tell the other what makes them feel loved and this feeling and need to feel loved becomes stronger as we age because we now want truth and something real because we now know our lives are ticking by and we want to find love before it is too late.

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  6. Russell says:

    because I crave touch and intimacy, I crave being held, I crave spooning … warm body close by, someone who cares for me genuinely
    More or less, Sex lives of Australian Women

    Oh, I don’t know; sex isn’t compulsory. But I guess I am older and more experience. I recall a work colleague bemoaning that she had sex with her husband at least twice a day. And another related her husband rarely showed interest in sex. And I was just annoyed that they shared these stories with me. I restrained from saying that they choose to remain in the relationships. As for myself, I recall one former partner where we would initiate not having sex, and with most nights taking turns to massage the other. And equally, I wonder how my older son ended up with any brothers, and various other circumstances. I can only suggest that the talking is kinda important -along with listening. But we choose the nature of relationships and often time except situation we less prefer for some other advantage. What choose it our affair.

    Like

  7. Belinha green says:

    I am a 60 year old woman married for many, many years and this would have to be one of the funniest most honest articles I’ve ever read – I laughed myself silly – well written !!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • superwomanseven says:

      Thank you…. A message from someone that gets the joke and understands the honesty! I’ve had many negative and abusive messages from people who have forgotten to bring their sense of humour along AND also ignored my warning in the first place but then these are truly ‘special’ people 😉 Belinha you have made my day with your lovely comment xx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Juan says:

    Great article, loved it, so true. My wife feels the same way, specially after childbirth. Are you saying a cuddle is not an invitation for “it”? 😛
    Looks like we men are mostly the same… Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • superwomanseven says:

      Yes childbirth certainly slows down the libido! Not as easy as getting back on the horse 😉 But as long as it is always a light hearted and loving conversation point then you will ride it out (pun intended) … And yes a ‘cuddle’ is definitely just a cuddle lol … Thank you for your nice comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Siggy says:

    Oh dear, so much anger.

    I was wondering how often your partner “takes one for the team”? And I don’t mean sexually – I mean in many domestic, social and workplace domains. Ones you don’t want to think about.

    And seriously, this is the best topic you can think of? It’s really becoming a bit hackneyed this “all mean are oafs – get off me” stuff…we read the Female Eunuch…and the Beauty Myth…we even read Shere Hite! (mon dieu!)…and even if we didn’t, we had it served up to us every day until, well, today.

    And it’ll be there tomorrow too – although, unfortunately, Nora Ephron is no longer around to give it to us this in movies (nicely).

    …and pity your poor partner when he reads this – despite his “playful” eye rolls, and supposed permission, he will be hurt. Men hide it – but they get hurt.

    But I think others have said it above, only better; communication, alternate forms of intimacy…and if worse-comes-to-worse, and the lack of sexual drive is a symptom of deeper pathology, get therapy, or get out.

    Or are those options too scary?

    Nice having someone strong beside you? (politically incorrect as it to even dare think it)

    Good luck.

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      Thanks for your comment Siggy. I can assure you there is no anger – just a lot of swear words in exaggeration, tongue-in-cheek humor and a compounding ‘story’ of many conversations with many girlfriends over many years. Hence, the reason hubby doesn’t take it personally. If you take a look further into my writing you will see I deliver many subjects and this just happens to be my first ever sex post. Libidos in long term relationships aren’t always equal. Libidos ebb and flow but it doesn’t mean either person has a ‘problem’ and as long as it still remains a conversation point then that’s ok. I do have a beautiful strong man beside me and he has a beautiful strong woman beside him – our strengths lie in different areas which gives our relationship balance. Best of all we laugh about stuff – about his dick swinging & about my lack of initiating. Check out Part 2 … Hope this clarify’s things for you 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Bewildered says:

    As a man who has been in several relationships where the woman has had a far higher libido than myself (to the extent that in one case it ended the relationship), I feel a bit bewildered by this blog.

    I get that it’s supposed to be a bit of humor, maybe if I was a middle-aged mother with no libido I’d find it funnier.

    Communication as always, is key – but I’d feel rather insulted and hurt if my partner considered my sexual needs a tedious chore. I think it’d suggest consideration be given to go our separate ways, or at least negotiate some kind of open-marriage arrangement.

    If a man (or woman) felt their partner didn’t care much for sex, particularly in the manner you’ve described, and didn’t have the courage or fortitude to speak up about it, I can imagine infidelity is a likely outcome.

    Respecting and fulfilling each other’s sexual needs is important in any relationship. Mismatched libidos can be a very thorny problem, particularly when people feel their needs are not being met.

    I trust your husband has a sense of humor about your post 🙂

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      Yes he does because it’s not a personal dig – it’s a collection of stories from many women over many wines or coffees or tears over a long period of time and it has been compounded into one blog post. If you need further clarification read Part 2 🙂 No need to worry we are a perfectly imperfect couple who are happy and in love with a normal sex life.

      Liked by 1 person

    • superwomanseven says:

      Oh and to further clarify sex sometimes does feel like a ‘chore’…. But we do them don’t we? It sometimes feel like an obligation and no that’s not ideal but it’s doable and it’s occasional and if there is a strong relationship that has the ability to laugh at situations then it is totally ok. Different libidos at different stages is totally ok – that is my message to the men or women who are in relationships like that. Talk about it, laugh about it, work on it and be patient. Anyway my sense of humour was lost to a select few and that’s ok too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Suleyman Gulasi says:

        As a married man I can safely say me and my wife are very well matched. Once a week or fortnight suits us both just fine. I mean modern life is busy and damn it i’m tired. It is much easier and faster pleasing yourself then mustering up the energy to also please your wife(note: I really do lover her and we are very affectionate and 7 years into this marriage still love sleeping limbs entangled and all)

        If I was with a woman who wanted it multiple times a week it really would have been a significant problem.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Andrew says:

    So many men fit what you say, but men need to be taught what is right for you otherwise he will be all what you say. A man can be a great lover when his wife makes him feel secure but willing to let him know that you are not like any other woman but unique and that you are wired to respond when the right approach is made. Men don’t know a woman’s chemistry and how her monthly cycle affects whether it will be a quick or a night of romance. Many woman don’t realise their hormone cycle and it’s affect on what they want. Men need to know that it takes time for a woman to cross over from the day to maybe a time of intimacy and women need to realise that for a man he craves closeness and he gets it through sex and it gives him a sense of well being. Men also need to make his wife feel good when she says no and not feel rejected and when he says it is ok then she feels loved and not like a piece of meat. Couples need to sit down and discuss what they like in the bedroom and each accept that there are things that some will and won’t like. After a long day with kids it is hard for a woman to feel romantic and every husband needs to take his wife away to a hotel where she feels relaxed, and has time to allowed the emotional mood grow in her mind. Sex all starts in the mind and if the mind is not right then there is no connection and this is what makes a woman feel the best, having time to connect first.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Barbara says:

    Hahaha I LOVE this 😹😂😂😂
    Thanks Huffpost for having published it so I got to know your blog ❤️

    I love other of your articles too!
    Greetings from Brussels, old Europe 😎

    We women, all over the world, share the same problems with our husbands and kids and teenagers!!! Lucky we have our friends and our humour 😛

    Barbara

    Liked by 2 people

    • superwomanseven says:

      I have received a few nasties but I look at it this way – they are entitled to their reaction but let’s face it their reactions sucks balls – obviously their own – and my reaction to their reaction? Delete.

      Thank you for your comments and thank god for your sense of humour xx

      Like

  13. Marie says:

    This is the funniest , most insightful article I’ve read in a long time . It’s done the rounds of all my girlfriends and our reaction is ,” is she married to my husband ?”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Laurent says:

    Je suis vraiment désolé que vous viviez un tel calvaire, on dirait une femme kidnappée avec le syndrome de Stockholm et du coup votre mari serait le bourreau violeur… Pour moi, le sexe fait parti du couple à part entière, et vous, vous détestez ça ! Quelle pression pour votre mari, il doit satisfaire ses besoins en sachant que vous vous forcez !!! Je pense que personnellement soit j’irai voir ailleurs, soit je vous quitterai meme si l’amour est present !

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      Je ne déteste pas. Ce n’est pas quelque chose que j’ai dit. Parfois, juste parfois, j’ai la flemme il. Il n’y a aucune épreuve. Le poste est exagéré et sarcastique pour lumière hearted fins – pour ceux qui comprennent il obtenir l’humour. Je sais tout à propos de viol – alors je n’aurais pas même comparer les deux. Je vous remercie pour votre avis.

      Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      I don’t hate. That’s not something I said. Sometimes, just sometimes, I don’t feel like it. There’s no ordeal. The post is exaggerated and sarcastic for light hearted purposes – for those who understand it get the humour. I know all about rape – so I wouldn’t even compare the two. Thank you for your opinion.

      Like

  15. Chris A says:

    I’ve got to agree with Siggy: get out is the answer.

    Like everything in life, this subject needs to be considered in the light of our biology and our evolution. While our biology doesn’t control us – we’re rational animals and can easily move beyond our biology and we commonly do – it still deeply underpins our nature. The class of relationship under discussion here is a biological imperative that evolved to serve the purpose of successful reproduction and is, therefore, underpinned by sexuality – without sexuality this relationship becomes merely a general friendship, or maybe even just cohabitation for convenience and economy. That’s fine as far as it goes, but it’s no longer the sort of relationship that is being discussed here, and that’s the sort of relationship that most of us value having at some time in our lives, and most men for all of their lives.

    The biological reality is, that, for all of human existence and pre-human existence until the last 100-150 years a high proportion of women died young from childbirth, and their partners moved on to another partner. This natural state of human existence that our ancestors faced was a terrible one, and is a state that for, the moment, at least in the developed world, we have thankfully left behind, but that’s where we come from and that’s the context this problem lives in.

    In my personal situation my wife has refused sexuality for many years – if I touch here I most likely get hit and usually told that my touch feels like cockroaches crawling on her – obviously this doesn’t happen very often anymore. Currently, while her company is interesting and valuable at times, we are at the cohabitation for convenience and economy level of relationship, but I don’t see that lasting for ever.

    I’m sometimes tempted to look for the right hormonal drugs to remove my need for a close male/female relationship so that I can freely get on with other parts of my life without that urge hanging over me. Unfortunately, I expect that I can’t excise such a fundamental part of my being without affecting all of the other parts of me. John Muir’s statement “When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe.” undoubtedly applies to humans as well as universes.

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      While I can see what you are trying to say and can understand you are coming from your own personal pain and experiences rest assured that you have taken my post in the wrong way and have interpreted the joke wrong.

      “Sometimes it feels like a chore.” It really is that simple. The rest of the post is for laughs. It does feel like a chore sometimes, it just does! I don’t hate it and I don’t deny myself or my husband it. It’s just not a daily need. Why? Because sometimes after spending the day wiping snot, scrubbing shit and being constantly in demand to a two year old plus four other needy little people I don’t even feel like showering let alone pimping up to please my husband. By the end of the day I’ve had enough of people being all over me and wanting shit from me. Pretty sure this is a fair call.

      And don’t worry about hubbie…. He gets it 😉

      Like

  16. Tas says:

    Very funny article, i can relate sooooo much with the exception that i give my wife’s ass a gentle squeeze not a slap. LoL
    I’m a simple man, full stomach and empty balls and i’m good to go, my wife doesn’t overly get that no matter how i spell it out.
    We husbands i can tell you do a lot of things that are a chore or we definitely can not be stuffed doing and that includes putting up with our erratic, hormonal wife’s. For fucks sake is a little blow job, hand job or some pussy too much to ask once in a while, just bend over and pretend we’re Channing Tatum.

    Mr’s Palmer is about to go on strike…….please help.

    LoL

    Liked by 1 person

      • Jack says:

        I will read pt 2, but here’s why I get pissed off.

        I am cheesed off because I married for ‘Love” and was shagged to make sure it happened, and I performed the way she wanted me to – carefully, considerately, touching correctly, etc, etc.
        We worked as a team when the kids came along, have done most of the housework for 35 years; worked shift work (14 hr nights), then wifey decided it was her “duty” to let me have a shag once every 2 -3 months (I have delayed ejaculation so after 2 minutes, it “hurts too much”) by then and I usually finished her off playing mouth music on her (often MM first, then the rest). As soon as that was done she rolled over and said goodnight. Gradually it all got further and further apart. Funnily enough, someone suggested I keep a diary, which i did. I reckon some people do more in a year than I have with her in 30 years.
        I have NEVER demanded it.
        Not once did she ever put the time and effort in to help me get it off.

        Seriously, It was like having a shag in a china shop – everything hurt on her, or I had to be careful not to do something wrong and generally it was mostly an unpleasant experience and failure for me.
        12 years ago, she said when I touched her on the bum cheekily, the response was “You gotta be joking???”. That was it for me.
        I gave her some time to see if anything else would ever happen and I’m still waiting. Thank goodness for the internet and occasional flings. Basically, I can’t be bothered moving out so we are now just flat-mates. There is nothing remotely sexually attractive with her now, even with a goof figure, etc.
        Why have I stayed? Mainly for the kids and now grandkids.

        These days, it’s just sex with someone who never knocks me back!!

        Like

  17. Matt of Australia says:

    Ok…. so you’re married, have kids, a career, and a household to maintain. Big deal, so does everyone else!! As a guy who’s been married (and divorced), with children, a career, and a healthy male libido, I can honestly say this; wake the f**k up woman! I assume from the description in your column that you’re a normal functioning human female in a long term monogamous relationship. Therefore I would expect that your “honeymoon period” type sex has long gone! No questions to be answered there, because let’s face it, once those first few years of ravenous exploratory sex has ended, you’re left with the same person every day and night, week in week out! I get it. But here’s the thing… any person who puts their partners affections into the category of “another household chore”, needs to have a long hard look at themselves.

    You mention in your post that you love and adore your husband. He works, helps out with household duties, does his bit with the kids etc, and that you still find him sexually attractive, and that he’s eager to please you sexually. Yet you seem to rate your sex life about on par with doing the dishes?! What the actual f**k?! Do you honestly know how good you have it? That your partner still lusts for you and wants intimacy with you after many years, and kids and mortgage etc?! Honestly?! I think maybe you need to consider wether you actually deserve to be included in a relationship at all. Do you want a loving husband or just a housemate?

    Now don’t get me wrong, everybody has differing attitudes toward frequency and type of sex, as well as people/couples having mismatched libidos and desires. I get that, and perhaps your libido is lower than his? Perfectly normal and acceptable. But, when your husband puts in effort to not only connect with his wife, but to try his best to please her as well, you lay there like you’re waiting in line at the bank?! Seriously, he’d be better off just going to a brothel on his way home from work! At least he’d get more of a response from the working girl.

    If you take your marriage seriously, and have any type of respect for your husband, I’d probably reconsider what you’ve written here. If what he’s doing isn’t working for you, here’s an idea… TELL HIM!! Don’t lay there internally bitching about his poor technique, when you could be doing both of you a real favour by educating the man a little!! If he struggles in the bedroom, help him! He’s your husband/soulmate/lover! Treat him like he’s the last man on earth and you need him to survive!

    Otherwise one day you’ll wake up wondering why he doesn’t pay you any attention anymore. And why he’s suddenly spending so many evenings “working back late”. When in actual fact he’s woken up to your bullshit attitude toward him and found a lady who not only appreciates his efforts and enthusiasm, but just enjoys her time with him. Why? Because it’s her own personal time to spend alone with another human being where nothing else matters in the world but her and him.

    I’m not saying your husband is perfect, because I’m sure he has his faults, as do you, as do I, as does everyone. But you have a partner that’s obviously devoted to you, and your kids, and your futures. Embrace it. If you plant a garden full of plants and then never water them, how do you expect them to survive! Your marriage is the same. If he knew how you really thought, he’d be crushed. How about pulling the stick out’ve your arse and giving your man the respect he deserves. Cause God knows you could do a hell of a lot worse in the husband/father department…

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      Typically I’ve been deleting comments on this level because I was advised not to add fuel to the dumb-arse-fire and lets face it why would I bother responding to someone who clearly didn’t heed the warning… Today, though, I’ve decided to approve and respond to yours, Matt of Australia because I’m feeling quite defensive today and also because you made me laugh, in a pissed off kind of way.

      You didn’t “get it”, clearly, and while you’ve sat there in your cushy chair dick in hand reading my post in anger you’ve judged me as if I am the most horrible wife in the world who passionately hates sex and because of this my husband totally deserves a permanent hall pass at the local brothel because sex is sex right Matt and it doesn’t matter where you get it from? Can I get a fuck with fries please, oh, and upgrade that burger to a burger with extra cheese and chlamydia thanks. Truly? That’s your marriage advice? It’s no wonder you’ve been divorced once already. Pretty sure married sex is about love and connection.

      Just to clear things up for you though (you could also read Part 2 – no warning on that one) this particular post was a narration of many stories from many women over many years of exaggerated funny stories we’ve shared. The whole ‘chore’ thing is felt by many women. But of course what we do all day is essentially fuck all so we should be flat on our backs ready to go at any moment our husbands need us. I’m a hard working ‘single’ mother to five kids while my husband works away – yes away from his family to provide for us… Something I get crucified for because it doesn’t matter that I work my arse off as well to ‘provide’ my family with a clean home, healthy meals, a present and listening ear, nurturing arms, a taxi ride where ever, when ever, staying up late to get shit done, getting up throughout the night and rising early to start it all again. I also have a small business of my own to run to contribute financially – measly but still a contribution.

      Being stay-at-home Mums we are constantly reminded that this is our job, it’s what we are expected and have to do, we should absolutely love it all of the time and of course we should just do it and never complain or feel overwhelmed or feel tired or want our bodies to ourselves some-fucking-times. We must remember we are merely housewives so it is best that we all bow down to the men of the world and massage their balls because if you don’t Matt will be passing your husband a hall pass too.

      Yes, I’m “lucky” he still finds me attractive coz of course I’m a completely hideous housewife and he’d be better off with a beautiful, nurturing, cocking sucking prostitute but is there even a scrap of thought as to what a house wife does? My husband and I have sex 3-4 times a week… When he’s on his week off he gets to do as he pleases and I encourage this because he’s the only one making sacrifices. Lets be honest there’s no housewife out there that has ever had to give up her dreams or career or life so she’s forever in debt to her husband for his sacrifices for his family which far outweigh anything a woman ever does.

      What I and most other stay-at-home mums do never stops Matt of Australia. Even after a fucking long hard day pleasing everyone mentally, emotionally and physically I still put sex on my list of things to do because if I don’t he gets frustrated and I’m a ‘good’ wife and I like to keep my man happy.

      But please mate, please let’s not actually have a laugh at the situation. How about instead we take life, and sex in your case, far too seriously and while we are at it let’s make sure women feel like they are the most awful human beings for not wanting to hand over their bodies at every beck and call to their husbands. I mean since when could were we entitled to have feelings or desires of our own anyway?

      P.S I don’t generally like sticks up my arse.

      Liked by 2 people

  18. beekiat says:

    Hi, I totally agree with you. Sometimes I am not so sure we married women are so different from hookers who sell sex for money except we do it for free in exchange for intangibles such as an argument free evening or to keep your partner happy and not straying right after putting the kids to sleep.

    Like

  19. Not Amused at all says:

    This is just so hilarious…hahaha. I’m sure every guy is laughing…including your poor husband. Just as hilarious as a bunch of guys down the pub discussing & laughing at how they couldn’t be stuffed caring for or listening to their partners whine about their emotions etc, not being a shoulder to cry on when needed etc as it is a fukn emotional chore. Women today want and expect the perfect guy to tick all the boxes for them, but when it comes to the one and only box we care about (pun intended) we get nothing. So after years of frustration, your husband pulls away from you emotionally and either ends up masturbating to porn like a madman, or finds some on the side to full fill his emotional and physical desires… I hope you, like all the women out there still find this sentiment hilarious! Comedians

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      There’s a word here for you … Exaggeration. And another word … Warning. Clearly you misinterpreted the exaggeration and didn’t heed the warning.

      Part 2 might clarify this post for you and please don’t worry about my husband – he’s well serviced in every dutiful-wifely way. He also knows this post is an accumulation of stories (exaggerated) from many women over many conversations….

      Take care of that sense of humour and enjoy the porn!

      Like

  20. Mervyn says:

    I guess I have been fortunate to be married to a woman who wants it more than I do. Its nice to not have to worry about imposing on your partner but instead to hear: “why don’t you do this more often?”

    Interestingly, her libido grew after we had children and she seemed to become more impatient for sex even as life became busier. She would tell me that sex enabled her to relax and unwind and to sleep better. She saw it as our little secret oasis in the desert storm of the day.

    I was worried for a while that I would not be able to keep up but she comes up with inventive ways to keep me interested.

    Liked by 1 person

    • superwomanseven says:

      That’s awesome Mervyn. I certainly know lots of women like this too. ‘Not feeling like it’ isn’t gender specific it can happen to anyone at any stage of their life. I love that she comes up with inventive ways to keep you interested – what a woman 😉

      Like

    • Chris A says:

      Well I’m just wordless! You’re a lucky man!

      Superwomanseven, you may know lots of women like this (I suppose I’ve know a few in my youth) but I think that the overall proportion is pretty low, especially in older women. And it’s probably even lower these days because many young women are on the pill from an early age for non-contraception reasons, and so never get to become sexual. See http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/4343811.htm

      Like

  21. hjwrite says:

    What is it about helicopter dick that they think is so impressive? I suppose without an appendage that we can wave around like that, we’ll never know. 😉

    I felt like you were writing my sex-life story, both the amalgamated stories, and your disclaimer about your husband to a point. Mine is not perfect, but he’s LOADS better than some I know of. We have far from matched libidos, but I do my best to keep up with him because I know it’s important to him (once a day, twice on some days), but with all of that I sometimes wish my body was my own and appreciated in ways that are something other than sexual. I wish it was understood that communication (true, deep, open, honest, heart-wrenching communication) is the best foreplay I can get. If my brain is turned on, I’m far more likely to be sexually turned on.

    I’m pretty sure my husband thinks it’s a ‘chore’ whenever we have to have one of those ‘we need to talk’ conversations (I see the roll of his eyes), and even when I just prattle on a little more than he’s interested in (switched off, anyone?). Like women are told to do (for the good of our relationships, apparently), we ‘do it because it’s important to our partner’? Imagine if the husbands paid careful attention to the communication needs of their wives, the way wives are encouraged to take care of the needs of their husbands. In our case, there’s often a ‘happy ending’ to true communication, but convincing him that it’s worth it is hard work.

    We all do chores. Some of them end up not being as humdrum as we first thought.

    Thanks for your honesty and pity the haters (especially the ones who can’t read).

    Liked by 1 person

    • superwomanseven says:

      Thank you for your comment and honesty hjwrite. If anything, even with the mean comments, I’m glad people are discussing it – if they laugh it’s even better because laughter is a turn on in itself. Nothing sexier than a smile and a great laugh! I’m also secretly sure that if I had a dick I’d swing it like a helicopter too hahaha….

      Liked by 1 person

      • hjwrite says:

        You would have to. Just to try it. But you’re a smart one, you are. You’d realise pretty quickly that it’s not impressing the laaaayyydies, and you’d cease and desist. 🙂

        Perhaps when we all get old (and saggy) enough, we’ll be able to do it with our boobs and see what all the fuss is about.

        Thanks for (more) laughs..

        Heather x

        Like

  22. Ged says:

    I reckon for every outraged, angry male response to this blog there are 20 guys wanting to pen something in defeated resignation. Guys who love their wife but have been beaten into submission by the biological differences between men and women. By the indifference of their partners to their needs. By the fact that no matter how affectionate, loving, caring, dutiful and hard working they are, they still end up jerking off in the shower whilst dreaming of someone who finds them attractive enough to want sex with them. Sad, but I suspect uncomfortably true. Marriage should be redrawn into 5 year contracts, with an option to renew following renegotiation 🙂

    Nice bit of writing too, by the way. Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    • hjwrite says:

      I have some empathy for you, Ged, but let me do a small paraphrase so that you might consider things from a different view point.

      “I reckon for every outraged, angry male response to this blog there are 20 women wanting to pen something in defeated resignation. Women who love their husbands but have been beaten into submission by the biological differences between men and women. By the indifference of their partners to their needs. By the fact that no matter how affectionate, loving, caring, dutiful and hard working they are, they still end up telling their friends what is in their hearts, instead of their husbands, over coffee, whilst dreaming of someone who cares enough to want to communicate with them and consider their emotional needs before fucking them. Sad, but I suspect uncomfortably true.”

      Both genders can have unmet needs. The problem is when one won’t meet the other half way, and my guess is that is happens in close to equal proportions.

      Like

      • Ged says:

        Fair point. But it just seems that no amount of tending to ’emotional needs’ can make up for physiological differences. I’m sure that there are many women in long term relationships who still enjoy regular sex, but they’re just not married to anyone in my circle of friends. Perhaps the truth is that, by and large, we’re not biologically meant to be in long term relationships. A vexing, and unsolvable question.

        Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      You know what it’s frustrating. Sex is a great connection and it’s sad that it’s lost sometimes in marriages because we catalogue our hurt and shit. But what makes me glad is that this blog is getting people talking about it. This opens up that conversation that is obviously needed. For men that can’t articulate their feelings there’s been plenty on here commenting theirs – getting the mans side heard. This has opened my eyes and perhaps other women’s too. Guilt is a huge thing for women and feeling guilty is a very unsexy feeling. I hope this helps some couples read it and laugh about. Lighten the mood, to be able to talk about it without the egos and “poor me’s” involved. Like I’ve said before laughter is a great connection and it’s fucken sexy on a man!

      Like

  23. Single gal says:

    You’re lucky you’re able to get some at all! If you look from another perspective you’ll see how fortunate you are to be able to have sex any time you want. Some of us single gals don’t get any at all!

    Liked by 1 person

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