Ok so don’t be shocked when I say the following …..
I have started a new diet! Yes I have ….. Yes, again! And today is Day 1.
Day 1 sucks. It sucks big vagina biscuit balls!
On this day my mind, my body and my tastebuds scream at me about all the stuff I am giving up and I get hangry, really hangry! It’s like herpes and piggy tails on men – it’s horrible, disgusting and leaves a bad taste in your
Day 1 tells me how heavy I am and how far I have to go before I get to my ‘ideal weight’ – whatever the hell that is! Let me tell you ‘ideal’ by definition is: satisfying ones conception of what is perfect; most suitable or existing only in the imagination; desirable or perfect but not likely to become a reality.
WTF!!! Not likely to become a reality! No wonder ‘ideal weight’ is such a farce! What an absolute joke! Best I be scrapping that ‘ideal’ bullshit and just aim for comfortably-able-to-touch-my-toes or not-have-to-tuck-my-belly-into-my-jeans weight. Hell at this stage I’d give anything just to fit into my jeans never mind tucking my belly into them!
Day 1 also means forming the habit of drinking three litres of water a day. Which means me and my bladder become great and present friends. We hang out and I give up everything else in my day just to spend time in the dunny with my bladder and the 3 ply. Like a urinal colonic. In fact I’ve been three times since starting this post! Crazily enough, I get more and more thirsty the more I drink and those three litres don’t quench my thirst and they certainly don’t bitchslap the hunger pains.
I was going to be brave on Day 1 by posting photos and declaring ‘the numbers’…. You know? The numbers? The digits that control my life?! Well I’m too fucken scared so you’re just going to have to wait until I have actually removed some of the numbers before I am brave enough to post my ‘before’ pic. It might not happen until I have my ‘after’ pic but hey, if it bothers you then, well, you have my absolute blessing to fuck right off 🙂 I mean that in the most loving fuck-offable way xx
So stay tuned, or not, for the transformation, if any, and please know that your words of encouragement will be greatly rewarded. No, there is no prize for your encouraging comments but you will be rewarded with a happier, healthier and no longer hangry me!
P.S I feel 10kgs lighter already – coz I am so hungry – pity the scales say otherwise… Boohoo …. Hold on for your dear life here comes the roller coaster ride called ‘weight loss’…….
P.P.S I can do a food diary if you’re interested and I am assuming you will only be interested for two reasons 1) you are wanting to lose weight and 2) I actually DO lose weight …. Stay tuned…..