Exploding Love

New parents are totally as adorable as newborns. You can spot them a mile away. The awkward pram moments, the fussing, the uncertainty spread across their face, the tired elated smiles and of course the teeny tiny baby. I love it. I miss it. The newness that is.

I’ve always been newborn mad – just not so keen when they grow up and starting talking back. I love the way newborns smell, how they rely holy and solely on you, I love their little cries and all their ‘first’ little moments. Newborns make my heart want to explode with love and sometimes I think it actually will – explode with love that is. I wish I could bottle it and spray it all around the world so that this pure love fills the hearts of everyone. I know, I know, how soppy and sentimental of me but alongside P!NK, newborns just make my heart sing!

But that’s not what I came here to write about today because even though I sound super clucky and it seems as though I am about to announce (another) pregnancy I feel it’s very important to say that I will never have another newborn of my own… And I am grateful for that because I have five healthy children already! But it does mean I get to love the newborns of my friends.

I came here today because I feel so much love for a little guy who I’ve never met and who has recently arrived. I love his mother – in a friend-way not creepy-way – so its only fair that I’m totally in love with him too. He’s precious, he’s tiny and he’s premmie. He is also strong, determined and he is, well I’m throwing this out there, perfect. Absolutely perfect.

How can one be so perfect? How can someone so little steal your breath away? I remember when my number 4 was born, my littlest one in size and with a serious medical condition. I remember how I could sit and stare at him all day. Not being able to hold him was painfully draining but I never got bored just hovering around him. I never wanted to walk away and leave his side. Even with the three hourly ‘milk room’ trips where I’d be plugged in like a jersey cow spending up to 30 minutes each side trying to get some milk out he never, not ever left my thoughts. Other mums would come in, five minutes tops, and then walk out with 180mls meanwhile (back at the ranch, the really dry drought ridden ranch) I left with a syringe of 2.5mls or under. It was pretty pitiful and that 2.5mls was my largest milk delivery the entire time!!

My number 4 was the epitome of a miracle to me and I know my friend will be feeling exactly the same. All babies are miracles and love is love but these little tiny ones are just even more special. More miraculous. You cannot, as a parent, fall in any more love than you do with them. It’s a love that is all encompassing. A love that blows your mind. So when I think of my friend and the new little guy in her life my heart fills to the brim and explodes a little on the inside. A little miracle. A little ray of lovely sunshine. A little bundle of love.

Now go and hug your babies, no matter how big they are. If you haven’t been blessed with babies yet go and hug your mother or your father or both because they will have that exploding love thing happening all over you!!

One love,
DRK xxx

Getting Naked

So I read this. I read this and I shuddered. Nothing has changed since November 2013. When am I going to get ‘it’ – whatever ‘it’ is!

Every time I get naked and catch sight of myself in the mirror I am shocked! It’s like it is the first I have ever seen my post baby body and I’m instantly like “Omg who the fuck is that?” and then…  “Oh shit it’s me..” It’s not a complete repulsion but it kinda makes my eyes bleed a little.

First of all there is this fluoro, beacon light thing going on with most parts of my skin. These are the places where sunlight has never dare set foot. In fact I am so vivid white that I’m pretty certain if you turned off the light I would glow in the dark …. True story! Then there are those ‘tiger stripes’ that women talk about. It’s not that I am ashamed of them but I’m certainly not as proud of them as I could be and I really, really admire…

View original post 897 more words

Day Whatever – Embracing My Wagon

I am still off my wagon, not officially and not in a completely tragic, middle-finger-fucking way. I am just off the diet-I-was-doing wagon and I am instead walking alongside it, the wagon that is. I’m quite possibly tightroping cliffside but so far I’m doing ok.

At this stage I have lost a total of 4.5kgs in 2 weeks with another 4-6kg to go. That’s if I am basing my life and my happiness on the number on the scales. With my little loss I am already feeling better, my thighs aren’t rubbing so harshly now, I’ve started running again (ok it’s still just a fast walk) and I am enjoying and feeling sustained eating healthy, small portions. So then how am I off the wagon you may be wondering? Well, I am not doing the exact specifics of the diet I am/was following. This means I haven’t lost weight in a few days but I am feeling ok about that at the moment because I am still being healthy.

The only thing I worry about is that I think this is a cycle for me and I’m trying really hard to remember for sure if it is. See, I think I start these strict diets and then as I am hurtling along, doing well, I decide to jump and run alongside it to see how well I can do on my own. Like a test. In the past, it hasn’t worked. In the past I have always failed, faltered and fallen over while trying to keep up with the wagon and its many awesome passengers. Sometimes I have actually hurtled over the edge and definitely with tragic circumstances!

But something IS different this time ……..

“What’s different Cristy?” – you ask frustratingly as you wipe my chin coz once again I am dribbling a little bit of shit….

Well yesterday something golden happened. Something I didn’t expect. It arrived via Australia Post and, with applause, earlier than expected! It was my golden ticket to the possible land of diet freedom in the form of a book! I could never have imagined that a book could bring me so much clarity. So much okness – yes I am making up words now to explain it’s magical qualities! This book had me laughing out loud, yes LOL’ing, while I sat in my car waiting for the kids after school. In fact, I peed myself laughing, really I did, and the book made me feel ok about that too – especially seeing as I was reading about the author shitting herself! Hey, ones or twos – I’m not judging!!

Are you dying to know what the hell I am talking about, which book comes with a golden ticket? Well, it’s a newly released book called ‘Embrace’. It’s written by Taryn Brumfitt who has started a world-wide movement to encourage women to accept their bodies while living a healthy, balanced life! And (so far) it’s fucking fantastic! Can I say that any louder? IT. IS. FUCKING. FANTASTIC! While reading the book not only did I relate strongly to Taryn and her stories but I also felt like she was my soul sister – and not in some hippy, tribal, drum-banging way. I mean that in the way that she swears a lot, she’s rich in her honesty, she’s blunt but with a lovely realness you just can’t fake! This woman is just like me! The only difference is that she loves and accepts her body.

She has been fit as shit and now as a ‘normal’ ‘healthy’ size 12 she is completely ok and completely happy with her beautiful, glorious, wonderful, womanly body! I WANT TO BE LIKE THAT TOO! I want to be ok! I want to embrace my figure and just be! BE healthy, BE happy, BE fulfilled. These things do not mean being a size X, Y, Z or weighing under X kg’s, having under 0% fucking body fat. It also doesn’t mean I need to exercise for hours every day to prove I am beautiful or socially accepted neither should it mean I have to suck back on my dry-retching from the green shit I try to swallow every morning *gag*gag*shudder*

Being healthy, from Taryn’s perspective, is about balance. It’s about acceptance. It is as much about mental health as it is about physical health and of course, emotional stability and spiritual fitness. And by spiritual fitness I mean putting life into perspective, being grateful for a body that is working, is willing and able to function because my body is the house to my soul.

Here’s my ‘click‘. It’s happening. And it’s not the type of click in which my middle finger on my right hand flips itself into an erect position in defiance and a demeaning ‘fuck you dieting’. It is simply a click of the pieces in my minds puzzle falling into place. Of understanding better, accepting more and embracing that which I am. It doesn’t mean I won’t continue losing weight because I KNOW with my continued healthy eating that I will indeed lose more. But it won’t be such a mental head fuck, I won’t be desperately ‘trying’. I will just be doing. Enjoying not punishing.

“My body is not an ornament. It is the vehicle to my dreams.” – Taryn Brumfitt

Ahhhh, exciting!

One love

DRKxxx

#Ihaveembraced

Check her out http://www.bodyimagemovement.com.au or better still buy the book yourself it’s gold!

The Diet Wagon

I am known for my honesty. Here especially. I tell it like it is and I own my shit. So here’s a dose of reality and shit-owning….

There was a wagon fall…. Last night…

In fact I started to lean precariously over the edge of that said wagon by mid afternoon yesterday. I’m not sure what the trigger was, not sure that it even matters but what I do know is it started with the desire for chips – hot salty chips – my greatest weakness.

And I came close. So close in fact just a mere 25m to the driveway in fulfilling that desire only to back out at the last minute – I was proud. Real proud. I think I even high-fived myself …. Yep, seriously I did!

But then ….

THEN my mouth fell into a pile of Smarties. There’s no other explanation as to how they got there. Worst of all I don’t even like Smarties.

And then it was caught chewing on the leftover sausage roll that was covered in sauce. I’m partial to savoury pastries but I don’t even like sausage rolls.

And then. And then AND THEN……. I found a pile of salt & vinegar chips in my hand which were on a conveyor belt to my mouth. Again, I’m not even a fan of these!

Seriously?! Why?!

Now instead of fulfilling the actual craving I had yesterday I went and consumed 3 times the crap! 3 times the things I don’t love, that I hardly even like and certainly never crave.

Ok, so whats the damage? Well I’ve gained a little and I am actually feeling a little shocked seeing as I have been doing so well. I have also set myself back a few days which means I will not reach my goal of 68kg tomorrow. Which, of course, then snowballs and effects my goals for the following week, and the week after etc, etc.

I tried to talk to my husband about it but that was after I had almost bitten his head off when he cocked his head to the side and asked, while I was eating a minuscule piece of pepperoni, how my diet was going? Really dangerous territory! In fact if I wasn’t so concerned about additional calories his head would have been seriously fucked up!

10553545_440917769396391_4946594825099486869_n1

Anyway my conversation with him about stuffing up yesterday went a little like this:

“So, I was craving hot chips … And then … And then I didn’t do it…” **insert*unregognisable blubbering** “I just drove on past… And then I slipped over … And then there was these smarties in my mouth ….” **insert**laughing-slash-crying-slash-blubbering-slash-indecipherable** He just sat there bewildered. No idea what the hell I was talking about and he just couldn’t get his head around the smarties comment. He totally didn’t get it. Fair enough I suppose and hey I think it’s almost THAT time of the month  though I’m not going to tell him that!

As a result of my fall yesterday my wagons parked up today. I am neither off it nor on it. I am confused by it and angry with it. Slightly disappointed in it and working on the courage to get back on it. I haven’t given up. I’ve eaten well today – bar that slice of pepperoni – I’ve been for a walk and then I went for a jog (or a faster walk by other definitions) and I plan on having a small protein and salad meal for dinner.

This wasn’t an epic fail but it was still a try hard fail. I’m not looking forward to the ‘numbers’ tomorrow and yes I know I should just not weigh myself – but I know I will. It’s a force greater than me sometimes – the pull to know if I am getting closer to or further from my ‘ideal weight’.

Hope your wagon journeys are safe and on a flat surface – leave the bumpy shit to me! I’ll be back!

One love,

DRK xxx

falling-off-the-wagon

E-Books – YOUR Input is Needed!

So I’ve been on a bit of a tangent in my most recent posts – all about weight loss. And while that continues to unfold I thought I would discuss something else on my mind – something I’d love YOUR opinions on.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts I have retired from being an Interior Stylist so I can concentrate on my not-so-little family and my health, both improving so far too. I still have a few clients I am finishing up with and each time I work on their projects I feel that passion reignite. I’m like a moth to a flame when it comes to styling – I just gotta go there!

I know ‘retiring’, for me, in this instance, isn’t permanent so I want to keep myself fresh and full of up-to-date information as the design world it is ever changing.

So my questions to you are:

1) Have you ever bought an e-book on something you needed help with?

2) What price do you think is fair for an e-book?

3) Has anyone ever developed their own e-book? If so, how?

4) What sort of information would you personally consider buying when it comes to Interior Styling, renovating, colours etc?

ebooks-ebooks-everywhere

Thanks in advance!

One love

DRK xxx

Day 12 – It’s Happening …. Clickedy, Click

Have you ever read articles on weight loss where people say something along the lines of “it just clicked” – cut to the amazing before and after shots???

Well I have … heaps and heaps and heaps and it annoys the crapola out of me! It’s so frustrating when you’re a dietaholic, like me, and you hear that there was this miraculous ‘click’ for other people who have struggled with their weight too yet for some reason you haven’t heard it, felt it, seen it or touched it for yourself. And I’ve waited, trust me, I have waited AND waited for this clicking shit to happen.

I wonder when they say it do they mean that it was a definitive click that just materialised out of thin air and then they were cured? Or was it a series of clicks because these before and after photos are deceiving to a visual person like me. To me it looks as though one day they woke up overweight, then something clicked and the next morning they were slim! That. Does. My. Fucking. Head. In!!!!

BUT ……

Of course there is a but ….. Isn’t there always?!

I’ve notice changes in the last 12 days. Changes other than the 4.5kg loss (yes I’m bragging). Nice little changes that may be ever so subtle clicks. Like the rarely-there cravings for chocolate and my ability to talk the odd one out of eventuating. Or the teeny little slip-up that stays a teeny little slip-up and doesn’t turn into a guilt induced oh-well-I-fucked-it binge. I am drinking lots of water – in fact, I am craving it. I am finding the word ‘no’ rolls off my tongue easier and I don’t feel completely deprived when I say it.

It’s kinda awesome. It kinda feels like the beginning of something bigger for me and maybe my problem all along was that I was ‘waiting’ for the click when I should have gone out and activated the fucker myself!

Have you heard the click? Are you one of those who has an awesome ‘before’ & ‘after’?

I want to have awesome ‘b&a’ photos – just for me 🙂

One love

DRK xxx

 

 

Conscious Eating

When you are dieting everything that goes in your mouth becomes blindingly obvious. It becomes a conscious decision, a choice, an option and for someone like me it’s all or nothing…..

I cannot lick my fingers after spreading the kids Nutella. I cannot pinch just one chip on takeaway night. I cannot take a bite of a pizza when it’s GYO which when translated means: get your own damn dinner….

No I cannot do those things while dieting because then I would unleash the beast! The beast who would then sit down and eat the whole damn thing. The pizza, the salty chips and the jar of Nutella. Ok, probs not the whole jar but I wouldn’t find satisfaction in just a smidge licked off my finger tip!

IMG_4073-2

So my other option is to deny myself of all of these things permanently while dieting and if any of those substances are to touch my fingertips I violently wash them away before they end up in my mouth!

Here’s a thought …. Why on earth can’t I have a problem eating too much celery or kale or baby spinach?! Hmmph? Why?!

So before conscious eating, aka dieting, I’d shove food in not caring to stop and enjoy the tastes evolving in my mouth. Kinda like Cookie Monster except the food would actually go in my mouth, down my throat only to finally settle itself in my arse or belly or chin – chin two that is. I inhale food because I am always in a rush but also because I feel guilty to be consuming calories, empty calories. I’m not a binge eater or someone who eats shitloads but I do have a problem with being satisfied with small amounts – so it goes past being hungry and into something more – of which I’m not sure.

Now, though, I savour every bite. Cut, bite, fork down, chew, savour, swallow. Cut, bite, fork down, chew, savour, swallow. Repeat. There is no longer inhalation of food. The pull is still there, the desire is too but my willpower or whatever the fuck it is – leverage I think I called it last time – is greater…. At the moment and its a welcome relief!

Some people are happy with just one chocolate square while dieting … I. Am. Not. One. Of. Those. People! So it’s none for me. Nil. Zero. Zilch. Unsustainable I hear you say, yep I guess that’s part of my problem!!

One love,
DRK xxx

IMG_4071