And I’m not being paid to say that! Really! There are no royalty cheques, no affiliations, no secret under the table payments for bragging about these products. In fact, the companies I am about to thank for giving me ‘products that actually work’ have no idea I am about to give them a (public) pat on the back. Not even sure they would care but its not about them its about YOU! You, the consumer who is probably, like me, sick of buying stuff that doesn’t do what its supposed to do. A bit like the apple pie I bought recently that contained, additionally to apples, pastry and truck loads of sugar, also a piece of plastic. I didn’t find that said piece of plastic until my last mouthful and it wasn’t something I’d bargained for it when I had decided to expand my thigh size and increase blood sugar levels. Talk about leaving a bad taste in my mouth! On the flip side I won’t be eating apple pie for quite some time and my thighs say thank you unnamed company for distributing plastic in your pies!
So, let me clarify for you Superwoman and Her Dirty Red Knickers new-timers I am not a blog that regularly reviews products regardless that on this odd occasion I am doing just that! And so why am I? Why when there is nothing in it for me? Well truth be told I am a shopaholic – just ask the sweet Australian Postman who kindly delivers my parcels next door so my husband doesn’t know of my secret online shopping fetish – sound familiar to anyone? I am a shopaholic who is tired of buying products because of their cool catchy name, their interesting packaging and their convincing claims only to be totally let down by it not doing as it stated or being as cool as it looked. BUT!!! I have, in the past 3 weeks, come across THREE – yes not one, not even two but THREE – completely awesome products that actually really do seriously friggin’ work! It kinda makes me feel like I’ve won the lottery – albeit a very small amount but still I feel I am on a winning streak!!!
Firstly let me tell you a little bit about nail polish drying time with five kids. The housework is done and I know that I have at least 10 minutes until my baby wakes up from his nap. So I think “Holy crap I actually have time to paint my nails!” This can be the most exciting day of my week at times so please don’t underestimate the power of that thought!!! So I get all set up with my new hot pink quick drying nail polish that I bought a month ago but haven’t had the chance to open. It’s in a fancy looking bottle and decorated with the words ‘quick’ and ‘dry’ and it was with those words that I was sold! BUT all these previous quick-dry purchases have never worked! Until now. Because I found DB’s Quick Colour Nail Polish ($7.99). They claim it dries in 30 seconds ….. And guess what? It really it does! 30 seconds or 2 minutes in total once I’ve done both hands in two coats! 2 minutes is awesome because guaranteed as soon as I have painted my nails either a) my baby gets a whiff of is-that-my-mummy-having-me-time-I-better-put-a-stop-to-that-crazy-shit so 2 minutes of crying (his and mine) ain’t going to hurt as opposed to the 10 minutes with other nail polishes and they still wrinkle after that time or b) my pea sized bladder is all of a sudden full and ready to burst and I am not wearing big girl nappies but I am wearing button-fly jeans AND do you know how hard it is to undo buttons while delicately holding your fingertips so as to not wreck your tizzied up fingernails!?!
My next fabulous find was in the form of a ‘natural’ deodorant… Seriously I have tried my fair share of these, I have a cupboard full of half bottles and jars to prove it! Some of those unsuccessful pit deodorises, in fact most of them, had terrible (and putrid) consequences. They’re either sticky, dripping wet, created a bad smell all of their own or all of the above! Then I came across a product – by chance as I was scrolling down my Facebook feed. I scrolled past it and whether it was its strange name or the headline of the ad (which I can’t remember now so I’m assuming it had more to do with the name) I scrolled back up and clicked the link. The reviews were impressive with a 4.9 star rating but with a hefty price tag I was hesitant. You know hesitant like put it in my shopping cart, then emptied my shopping cart, then put it back in, then added another item I didn’t really need and clicked checkout – yep about as hesitant as a shopaholic gets! Honestly once this deodorant arrived I was scared because it was a paste, something I hadn’t tried before! Yes a paste I tell ya! But gosh damn it it works! No smell, no stickiness, no staining or marks! This fabulously yet weirdly named product is called Black Chicken Axilla ($15.95, 75g). I suggest any of you natural deodorant fans google this product immediately – once of course you have finished reading and liking this blog …. Oi! I said AFTER reading and liking this!!!
And my final excitement, possibly the best find so far and it has to do with that not-so-quick-drying hot pink nail polish that required an even quicker removal! DB’s (yes same awesome company as the real quick drying nail polish that actually does work) Twist ‘n’ Go ($4.99). I got it free with 3 of their ‘really-does-dry-in-30-seconds’ nail polishes! BEST. FREEBIE. EVER! Really it is! And why you may ask? Why is this better then the bottled/cotton ball combination variety? Well let me explain what this little tub does… You open the lid (tough I know), you stick your wrinkled hot pink painted fingernail into the centre (its wet but not scary), twist your finger to the left and to the right (uh-oh I feel a song coming on….) and then remove. Ta-da! The nail polish is gone!!! No word of a lie! I was almost disappointed when I had finished all ten fingers and kinda wanted to have a genetic mutation that gave me an extra set of hands so I could keep on going. In fact I was so excited to keep going that I decided to try my toes … Ok, now that doesn’t work! Not a successful at all but hey I was never going to be a ballerina! Anyway I am hooked! Really, really hooked! And it means in combination with DB’s quick drying nail polish I can change my nail colour in 2.5 minutes all the time because of course thats all I do all day – just ask my husband!
So there you have it! Obviously the life of a bored housewife who is finding joy in the simple wins. Finding anything at all she can to write about. Finding something that other Superwomen should be aware of and may be interested in! So go forth Superwomen. Go out into that big wide world, take a leap of faith and try these on a whim and on the advice of a rambling and unmedicated housewife AND THEN let me know how it goes for you. Have I got it horribly wrong or are these the best buys yet!