5 Truths and 1 Porky Pie

So I read a blog some time ago about another blog they’d read some time ago that contained 5 truths and 1 lie. On further examination of this brilliant concept I discovered that it is actually a game – a very popular (and old) game! Where have I been and how big is this rock I’ve been hiding under!?!!!!

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This truth/lie game is obviously  one I have never played and I can tell you now that I would totally suck at it! Why? Coz I am the worlds worst liar! My cheeks flush into a beetroot red, I fidget, my voice quivers and I freak out about eye contact….. Is it too much or not enough – yep I look like a shady kind of character – except of course if my husband asks if I am wearing a new top …. “What? This old thing!”

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Anyway….. So after reading the blog about the other blog I decided that writing my own blog about a lie sounded like fun AND was something I might even get away with since you can’t see my red cheeks and shifty eyes! As a bonus it’s a clever little way to interact with followers – so interact ok?!! OK so its decided I am going to copy participate in this whole lying thing – lets see how deceiving I can be and lets get this polygraph rolling…………..

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Truth or Porky Pie #1

I freak out just thinking about having a bath with anyone – including myself because real (or imaginary) germs/floaties terrify me. A phobia born from my brother wiping a boogie on me in a pool many years ago.

Truth or Porky Pie #2

I was in love with my first boyfriend for over three years but only spoke to him twice. He bought me a charm bracelet for my birthday wrapped in silver heart paper that I kept for years until I found out his Mum had made him use it.

Truth or Porky Pie #3

I dressed up in a wedding dress when I was 8 and appeared in TV commercial for a local toyshop. We got paid with ice creams.

Truth or Porky Pie #4

I  hate the Australian summer! Flies, scorching heat and sweat dripping between my legs (or under my boobs for us busty girls!) Give me a cold, snuggly winter any day!

Truth or Porky Pie #5

I vacuum at least twice a day. Why not? I like it. It’s fun and offers instant results but it also drowns out the noise of the many children I have. Vacuuming is cool ok!!

 

Now go! Decide! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? Which is the lie? Winner gets ….. um a TM5 Thermomix! Ok I’m kidding you actually get nothing just the rights of being the winner! Go on guess!!!

 

One love

DRK xxx

Saying Goodbye Every Year

Jeremy

It happens at this time every year. Every time without fail and without me even realising it is happening. Well that was until last year in the midst of all these crazy feelings of despair I finally realised why I get like this, why I cry and feel sad know matter what my day brings. So this year as the tears began to roll and after a brief moment of thinking ‘what the hell is wrong with?‘ I quickly remembered. I now know why.

This realisation makes it easier to accept the tears and with acceptance I am being kinder to myself during this process then I have in previous years. This is the week of my life that my sub-conscious goes back to his final week here. The last week that I had the opportunity to spend time with him. The last week to show him I cared and to nurture him. The last week and last chance I had to have told him I loved him. But I never did. I never said it out loud, just over and over in my head a thousand times. I was too scared to say it, my voice wouldn’t own it. I was scared to say it out loud because saying I love you was like telling him that this was it. His life was ending, it was over and I was giving up on him.

So as the tears roll now and my heart hurts, this time I know why. I know that it is the distant memory, the unforgettable pain and the sadness that we had to say goodbye that is making me cry.

I also know that I am ok. I am not sad to get sympathy from others. I am not sad because I think I am the only one to have dealt with death. My sadness isn’t forced or unnatural it just is. I am sad because I miss him. I am sad because this time will always be the last few days of his life – no matter how many years pass.

I feel sad without realising until I remember.

Today and in the days leading to the anniversary of the last time I saw him, through the tears, I try to focus on happy memories and not on the last image of his face. I like to remember his positive attitude towards life and towards his fight with cancer. I remember the mark he left on this world and I remember that even though I am sad I am also very blessed. Blessed to have been his sister, to have known him and to have him watching over us as I continue to live my life – something I felt guilty about for such a long time but try to no longer dwell on.

So as his anniversary draws near and maybe it’s his presence I can feel more during this time I just wanted to acknowledge him. To acknowledge the feelings, the journey and the ride of missing someone. And I do. I miss him and the future he should of had with us.

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understandings with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our heart, and we are never ever the same” ~ Chicken Soup for the Soul

One Love,

DRK xxx

This is a short story below is from two peoples points of view that I wrote not long after my brother passed away. It’s not the true story of Jeremy or his relationship with my Mum but just some words that I wrote for them both, with the hope and intention that the end part is true.

Ivory Tower

14 April

For the fourth time that morning I have my head down the toilet. There is nothing left to come up but my body doesn’t seem to know that. I’m so drained of all energy but I’ve made a promise to beat this thing, again. They haven’t given me a time frame, which is good, right?

“You alright?” asks my concerned mother. She looks tired too but she smiles at me and gently touches my back.

“Yeah, just great.” I reply sarcastically. I don’t mean to sound so harsh but sometimes it just comes out that way. I guess deep down I know she is the only person who will put up with me. The only one who will never leave, no matter how I treat her or how hard things become. Mothers have that special role, sometimes a gift but in this case, for her, a curse. Sadly I only ever tell her how much she means to me in cards on Mother’s day and her birthday. That’s just twice a year but I hope she knows that’s how I feel towards her every day.

“You alright?” I ask with concern for my only child, Andrew. I force a smile on my face as he turns his head away from the toilet bowl to look at me.

“Yeah, just great.” He looks drained and I forgive his harsh tone. I touch him gently on the back to acknowledge his suffering. I appreciate that we, as human beings, usually take our anger out on the ones we love the most. So I guess he loves me lots.

I help him to stand and I look him in the eye. We connect and I have the urge to tell him that everything is going to be all right but deep down I know it’s not. So instead I help him walk to his bed in which he has laid for weeks now as the cancer has a deeper and much more powerful control of his body but not his will to live.

“Can I get you anything? Should I make you some lunch?” I’m fussing with his sheets and I know he hates that but I just don’t know what else I can do to help him. I want to take care of him, I want to save him from the disease that is eating away at his life, and all I can do for him is cook his meals – which he can hardly stand to eat; wipe his chin after he violently vomits, sometimes for hours at a time, and fluff his pillows to stop his neck from becoming stiff, just another ache to his pained body.

“No.” He abruptly replies.

“OK. I’ll leave you be. Just call out if you change your mind.” I know he won’t. He’s stubborn like that. I sigh heavily and walk out. I turn as I reach his doorway to take a glimpse of my boy, so fragile and weak. Not the healthy 20 year old that he should be. What was it that I did wrong? He doesn’t deserve to suffer like this. He sees me looking at him and he turns his back to me. I want to tell him I love him but I’m scared that if I do that will mean this is the end.

I’m not hungry why doesn’t she understand that? No matter what food I eat my body will not heal. I am riddled with a disease that her love cannot cure, my will to live cannot beat and I hate it. I can see her in the corner of my eye standing in the doorway, looking at me with sadness and pain. I am ashamed that it is me that causes her this despair. I turn away from her so she cannot see the tears that well within my eyes. I am crying for her. I want to tell her I love her but I’m scared that if I do she’ll think I’m giving up.

28 April

I can’t walk or talk as the cancer has control of me. The pain in her eyes I can see and I don’t want to leave her so sad. How do I tell her I love her now that I cannot speak? How can she know that I am ok and I will meet her again someday? How can I tell her that the pain she feels is within me too because I am going to miss her so damn much? She’s taking me to the hospital today and I know my days are coming to an end. I am so scared of the sorrow I am leaving behind.

30 April

“We’ll just give him some morphine to ease his pain.” The nurse gently speaks to me. I nod my head although I want to scream and shout at them all to go away, to not touch my son, to help him, to bring him some life and not make him lifeless. I am at his beside as I have been for days. He no longer talks, he cannot get out of bed, and he is motionless. His breathing is shallow and I hang on to every breath he takes. I’m so scared that at any moment he will stop. I stroke his arm and I whisper over and over
again how much I love him. Please God let him hear me.

I feel so peaceful and safe. I can feel her stroking my arm and hear her soft and desperate cries. I can feel her silken tears touch my skin as she leans in to me whispering that she loves me over and over again. I feel lightness within and around me. I open my eyes to see what the warm glow is and it’s a beautiful ivory tower shining happiness and peace. I am going to be happy here, I think to myself. I will wait here for you to come and be with me. I’ll be at the top, I want to tell her. I look down at my mother with tears in her eyes and I whisper into her ear.

I cannot stop touching his skin. I want to warm him up and I am fussing over his sheets. I touch his head softly and I feel a lightness descend upon the room. I look up as he takes his last breath and in the silence of my pain I am sure I hear him say…

“I love you too.”

Cristy

Copyright 2004

Shit that REALLY works!

And I’m not being paid to say that! Really! There are no royalty cheques, no affiliations, no secret under the table payments for bragging about these products. In fact, the companies I am about to thank for giving me ‘products that actually work’ have no idea I am about to give them a (public) pat on the back. Not even sure they would care but its not about them its about YOU! You, the consumer who is probably, like me, sick of buying stuff that doesn’t do what its supposed to do. A bit like the apple pie I bought recently that contained, additionally to apples, pastry and truck loads of sugar, also a piece of plastic. I didn’t find that said piece of plastic until my last mouthful and it wasn’t something I’d bargained for it when I had decided to expand my thigh size and increase blood sugar levels. Talk about leaving a bad taste in my mouth! On the flip side I won’t be eating apple pie for quite some time and my thighs say thank you unnamed company for distributing plastic in your pies!

 

So, let me clarify for you Superwoman and Her Dirty Red Knickers new-timers I am not a blog that regularly reviews products regardless that on this odd occasion I am doing just that! And so why am I? Why when there is nothing in it for me? Well truth be told I am a shopaholic – just ask the sweet Australian Postman who kindly delivers my parcels next door so my husband doesn’t know of my secret online shopping fetish – sound familiar to anyone? I am a shopaholic who is tired of buying products because of their cool catchy name, their interesting packaging and their convincing claims only to be totally let down by it not doing as it stated or being as cool as it looked. BUT!!! I have, in the past 3 weeks, come across THREE – yes not one, not even two but THREE – completely awesome products that actually really do seriously friggin’ work! It kinda makes me feel like I’ve won the lottery – albeit a very small amount but still I feel I am on a winning streak!!!

 

Firstly let me tell you a little bit about nail polish drying time with five kids. The housework is done and I know that I have at least 10 minutes until my baby wakes up from his nap. So I think “Holy crap I actually have time to paint my nails!” This can be the most exciting day of my week at times so please don’t underestimate the power of that thought!!! So I get all set up with my new hot pink quick drying nail polish that I bought a month ago but haven’t had the chance to open. It’s in a fancy looking bottle and decorated with the words ‘quick’ and ‘dry’ and it was with those words that I was sold! BUT all these previous quick-dry purchases have never worked! Until now. Because I found DB’s Quick Colour Nail Polish ($7.99). They claim it dries in 30 seconds ….. And guess what? It really it does! 30 seconds or 2 minutes in total once I’ve done both hands in two coats! 2 minutes is awesome because guaranteed as soon as I have painted my nails either a) my baby gets a whiff of is-that-my-mummy-having-me-time-I-better-put-a-stop-to-that-crazy-shit so 2 minutes of crying (his and mine) ain’t going to hurt as opposed to the 10 minutes with other nail polishes and they still wrinkle after that time or b) my pea sized bladder is all of a sudden full and ready to burst and I am not wearing big girl nappies but I am wearing button-fly jeans AND do you know how hard it is to undo buttons while delicately holding your fingertips so as to not wreck your tizzied up fingernails!?!

 

My next fabulous find was in the form of a ‘natural’ deodorant… Seriously I have tried my fair share of these, I have a cupboard full of half bottles and jars to prove it! Some of those unsuccessful pit deodorises, in fact most of them, had terrible (and putrid) consequences. They’re either sticky, dripping wet, created a bad smell all of their own or all of the above! Then I came across a product – by chance as I was scrolling down my Facebook feed. I scrolled past it and whether it was its strange name or the headline of the ad (which I can’t remember now so I’m assuming it had more to do with the name) I scrolled back up and clicked the link. The reviews were impressive with a 4.9 star rating but with a hefty price tag I was hesitant. You know hesitant like put it in my shopping cart, then emptied my shopping cart, then put it back in, then added another item I didn’t really need and clicked checkout – yep about as hesitant as a shopaholic gets! Honestly once this deodorant arrived I was scared because it was a paste, something I hadn’t tried before! Yes a paste I tell ya! But gosh damn it it works! No smell, no stickiness, no staining or marks! This fabulously yet weirdly named product is called Black Chicken Axilla ($15.95, 75g). I suggest any of you natural deodorant fans google this product immediately – once of course you have finished reading and liking this blog …. Oi! I said AFTER reading and liking this!!!

 

And my final excitement, possibly the best find so far and it has to do with that not-so-quick-drying hot pink nail polish that required an even quicker removal! DB’s (yes same awesome company as the real quick drying nail polish that actually does work)  Twist ‘n’ Go ($4.99). I got it free with 3 of their ‘really-does-dry-in-30-seconds’ nail polishes! BEST. FREEBIE. EVER! Really it is! And why you may ask? Why is this better then the bottled/cotton ball combination variety? Well let me explain what this little tub does…  You open the lid (tough I know), you stick your wrinkled hot pink painted fingernail into the centre (its wet but not scary), twist your finger to the left and to the right (uh-oh I feel a song coming on….) and then remove. Ta-da! The nail polish is gone!!! No word of a lie! I was almost disappointed when I had finished all ten fingers and kinda wanted to have a genetic mutation that gave me an extra set of hands so I could keep on going. In fact I was so excited to keep going that I decided to try my toes … Ok, now that doesn’t work! Not a successful at all but hey I was never going to be a ballerina! Anyway I am hooked! Really, really hooked! And it means in combination with DB’s quick drying nail polish I can change my nail colour in 2.5 minutes all the time because of course thats all I do all day – just ask my husband! 

 

So there you have it! Obviously the life of a bored housewife who is finding joy in the simple wins. Finding anything at all she can to write about. Finding something that other Superwomen should be aware of and may be interested in! So go forth Superwomen. Go out into that big wide world, take a leap of faith and try these on a whim and on the advice of a rambling and unmedicated housewife AND THEN let me know how it goes for you. Have I got it horribly wrong or are these the best buys yet!  

 

One Love

DRK xxx