What depression feels like…

‘It feels like you are in the middle of an ocean. Surrounded by boats filled with vibrant people. They are laughing happily amongst themselves. They are happy.They tell you to keep swimming. To keep yourself afloat. But you can’t swim. It’s the most overwhelming feeling you can ever feel. You feel like you are drowning in a sea of smiling faces.

It feels like you are in one cubic metre of quicksand. People are standing alongside it. They are smiling and chatting happily amongst each other. They throw you a piece of string and tell you to grab it. To hold on and pull yourself out. It is impossible. It’s fucking quicksand. You are sinking.

It feels like you are the axis of the world. You are standing still while it spins around you. No control. Just watching it spin.

It feels like you are a missile. Launched by someone else. Targeted somewhere else. In someone else’s control. Out of your own control.

It feels like a black hole. A rabbit trap. A suicide bomber. A puppet handled by a psychotic puppeteer.

It feels alone.
It feels scared.
It feels vulnerable.
It feels overwhelming.

It feels like smiling aliens are leaning into your space, speaking a language only they understand. You just nod and say “I’m fine…”

It feels like dread.
It feels like bad news.
It feels like your smile is painted on with a razor blade.
It feels like it will never end.
Never go away. Never.’

And if it’s you that feels this way then breathe. You are not alone. You are not weak. It’s ok to say, out loud, that you are not fine. There is a way out. There is a life jacket. There is a rescue helicopter on its way. And you are the pilot. You are the puppeteer. You are the missile launcher. You are somebody who matters. Really you are.


One love,
DRK xxx