So I decided to give up food last week. Yep, a complete starvation fest in a bid to drastically lose 10kg in 24 hours! It’s really very clear now in hindsight that I should of booked in for a full body liposuction and rib removal surgery to succeed instead. But what I learnt about myself in that 24 hours is that I’m a really angry hungry person! I was biting heads off and spitting them out ASAP so no calories were consumed and that was just in the first hour of not eating! Yep! One whole hour was all I could manage nicely! I tried saying over and over again a little hypnotherapy saying “the more I drink the more I shrink” but I wonder now were they talking about vodka when they made that mantra up? Needless to say with all the extra
vodka water I drank I spent all morning running back and forth to the loo so I could just pee it out again. It was heaps of fun, really it was, its so good to have a bladder the size of a flea! Whoever recommended 2 litres of water a day obviously didn’t have a bladder in my size!
By mid afternoon after all heads had been bitten off and spat out I sat down (on the loo just to be safe) and gave myself a decent talking to. Silly, silly girl – I said. Starving yourself for who? Why? And what for? – I bantered firmly. Crazily this is a talk I have with myself quite often. Honestly it’s like beating your head against a brick wall, reinforced with steel frames, concrete sheets and a 15inch impenetrable lead casing and it’s a simple philosophy – if you hit something hard it will hurt! Whether it’s in your mind or if it is physically in your way!
So, anyway I made it (yep great selfish and self-absorbed first world problem – when sweet innocent children are starving) til dinner then I ate a small bowl of lentil curry. Weighed myself the next morning and yep, I was up a kilo! It’s seriously like fucking torture! And worst of all I’m the torturer! It never seems to end and I cant remember this ever in my life being a fun exercise, ever!! I don’t generally talk about it and I definitely, for those who don’t know me, am NOT thin, slim, skinny or boney. I do not have a diagnosed eating disorder, I am not looking in my mirror and seeing a fat girl even though in reality I am all bones. I am seeing a chubby girl who in reality is a chubby girl. I am not obese but a little over average and my BMI says I’m overweight. So it’s likely if you passed me on the street that you would not look at me and think I have any problem with food – apart from enjoying it a bit too much.
It seems as everyone around me gets skinnier I am collecting their lost kilos and adding them to my stockpile – aka lard ass. I’ve “let myself go” as they say and I have no motivation to get a hold of myself again, jump back on the wagon or hear that “click” that people talk about when they have made drastic weight changes. Instead I’m hoping for miracles, like a liposuction surgeon falling out of the sky or a lamp that I can rub so a genie comes out and grants me three wishes. My first wish I would ask for an endless supply of wish-granting-genies before asking for contentment and body confidence. No, I wouldn’t wish for the perfect body but the confidence I need to just be friggin’ happy with what I’ve got! My final wish (from my first genie anyway) would be to clone myself whenever I desire so one of me can look after the kids, cook and clean and the other one of me could do whatever the hell they wanted! Then we could just morph back into one at night. Or I could probably just wish for a nanny, probably makes more sense and not quite as drastic as cloning. I’m not sure my hubbie would be able to handle two of me anyway! In fact I don’t think I could handle two of me!!
So if you had three wishes what would you wish for?