When the World Keeps Spinning

Nothing stops for pain. Nothing stops for sadness. Know matter how deep and uncontrollable the grief you feel is the world keeps spinning, it keeps on turning, everyone else keeps on living. Faces keep smiling, there are bills to be paid, jobs to do, there is still the untouched laughter of friends around you and continued celebrations which can seem insignificant. And while in this state of grief all of that seems unfair. In fact, sometimes it hurts more. People around you continue on. They support you but they don’t understand who you are right now. They don’t know what to say. They don’t know how to make the pain you feel go away just to have the old you back. And it feels unfair. Its unfair to them. Its unfair to you.

When people die grief is left with us earth bound survivors. When they leave this earth they are free. They are still with us so they do not hurt the way we do and our grief really, really fucken hurts. It cuts deeper than any physical pain you have ever experienced and from that insane pain you become profoundly empathetic towards others. It makes you more sensitive in a much stronger way. It makes you understand those people who still grieve 20 years on for their loved one. 20 years – such a long time and people think you get over it – totally and wholly. But that expectation of seeing their face, of hearing their voice, of remembering their laugh or the desire to know who they would have been now or to have them wrap you up in a hug never, ever goes away. No, not ever.

Grief feels insurmountable at times and even as the pain of the loss lessens, the loss of their physical presence doesn’t. There is always a vacant spot in the room even if all the chairs are filled. There is always the glance at the door as it opens with a split second thought that it is them. There’s always a conversation when their name comes up and just momentarily you talk about them in present tense.  But when the sadness rolls through you again, and it does regardless of the time that has passed, you do become stronger to deal with it. Stronger for having known them. Stronger from the lessons you learnt from their living and their passing. Stronger because that is the only way to keep on going.

What I have learnt is time here is just that … Time. It is short and in time we all will be reunited. Time is all that this is. Time to cry, to feel pissed off, to grow stronger, to heal, to accept, to move on. Time to grow, to live, to learn, to reach out, to be filled with gratitude for the time you had together. Time to love and forgive yourself for those moments in time with them you can’t get back. Time you took for granted… But time is ours right now, time to not take for granted with those still here with us. And during this time I am with you. I am holding you hand in a way only others who feel this way can.

Sending all my love to the beautiful women in my life who have lost loved ones, there are many of you, unfortunately, and love and gratitude to those from my life that I miss.

One Love

DRK xxx

Marriage is like a Bow and Arrow to the Eye

I love my husband. I really, really do. I cannot imagine my life without him. I know, without any doubt at all, that he is the person I will spend the rest of my life with, call me corny, call this is cliche but being married once before I do know this time I am on to a keeper! And you know what? That makes me happy, really super contentedly happy. It gives me a feeling of certainty that that part of my life is all safely sorted. Its mapped out for a pretty stable future and out of all the uncertainties that life can throw you I know the relationship part is going to be OK.

And now you’re waiting for it aren’t you though?

You’re waiting for that infamous word that comes after someone dribbling shit like I just did …. Yes, it’s that beautiful word – BUT …..

It's a BIG BUT

It’s a BIG BUT

This is also a big butt….

This is also a big butt

 

Of course there is a ‘but’! I’m no la-di-fucking-da chick who believes in fairytales! I didn’t write this post completely sober and so completely in gaga land that I couldn’t share the truth with you! Life would be completely boring if all my husband and I did was LOVE and ADORE each other! So it’s not just a little ‘but’ – its actually a really massive BUT! Its a huge pain in the butt and its an even bigger ‘but’ than Kim Kardasians (which is hot BTW)! Uh-oh I feel a song coming on…..

“I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung!
Wanna pull up tough
’cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she’s wearing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got
Makes me so horny
Ooh, rump of smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my benz
Well use me use me ’cause you aint that average groupie…”

So anyway what is the ‘but’?

Well, this is it…. I love my husband, I want to spend the rest of my life with him BUT how the hell do you do that? How do you stay married for forever? I’ve often wondered when I see those couples together for 60+ years how they did it and where the heck their medal was hiding. I hope they have one – they totally deserve something shiny! But seriously, how do you spend an entire lifetime with the same human being who can piss you off one minute and then make you weak at the knees the next? He makes you laugh so hard you almost pee your pants (ok so maybe I sometimes, occasionally, rarely yet frequently do), then has you crying a million frustrated tears coz your sensitive feelings got hurt, only for him to come along moments later and wipe them away with a loving hand (ahem, well maybe he actually gives me a hug and I wipe my tears and snot on his shirt – that’s true love right?!). He drives me crazy on a very, very regular basis but he is the only person in the world who can make me mad and make me smile all within moments of each other, in fact sometimes I can have steam coming out of my ears while tears of laughter are streaming down my face. It makes sense that our theme song for our relationship (a.k.a our ringtone for each other) is “True Love” by P!NK ….. Here’s a few of the lyrics for those of you crazies that don’t know my beloved P!NK – because with a title like that it could sound a little mushy!

“Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There’s no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you

At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You’re an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I’m still here, or where could I go
You’re the only love I’ve ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you,
So much, I think it must be

True love, true love
It must be true love…….”

Love this crazy chick!

But somehow we belong in this imperfect world where a relationship doesn’t mean we have to be a ‘perfect’ couple. We don’t have to agree on everything. We don’t have to pretend we never argue and that we love everything the other person does… Coz I don’t.  Want an example? The way he eats. Honestly, he chews like a cow on speed and is as loud as a jackhammer in a library! Which is so, so incredibly loud! His teeth bang together and I wonder how on earth they haven’t all broken and fallen out of his mouth! During our meals together that is all I can hear! Like a dripping tap or a ticking clock – you don’t hear til someone points it out and then you can never ‘unhear’ it – but this noise is even worse coz it’s loud like an elephant tiptoeing through your living room – and that living room happens to be in your ears! I’ve been hearing it 3 times a day for 7 years (ok I’m grossly over exaggerating that part)! But hey, I can’t just make this a one-sided argument! I’m not perfect either. I sneeze like someone has shoved a locomotive with a cold up my arse – a-choo-choo train – get it? ………….. I also tell bad jokes! Anyway when I sneeze the walls shudder and I don’t ever sneeze just once. It’s always at least 3 times but more often you’ll get 20 out of me! And let me tell you, the myth about having an orgasm after 7 sneezes is a just that – a myth! It is likely after five kids you may pee your pants a little, not quite an orgasm but at least your pants still get wet!

What I do know and what I do understand about relationships is that it takes work and considering the workforce retiring age will be 100 by the time I grow up,  ‘working’ in a relationship and for a person you love and admire, who makes you better and makes you grow for 60+ years ain’t so bad. It’s more than a life sentence but at least we get to hang out with our own special inmate and we don’t have to wait for conjugal visits…. Winning!!!

Share your relationship secrets with me….

One Love

DRK xxx