Selfie Fail

Selfies have come and gone (ok probably not) …. It’s been a fun, hardly exciting few years of seeing all the ways people can take photos of themselves. Really its very clever but surely with all the technology in the world today we can do better than these following selfie trends……

Like the mirror selfies ………

Do I really need to say it? C’mon selfie-lovers!! Location! Location! When you are taking a photo of yourself in a mirror chances are everything else in that room will also be photographed! Is it just me or is there something really not hot about a baby strapped to your chest while a toilet seat sits open in the background and you don’t even have the passion for your picture-messaging-lover to pull your jeans all the way down! I wonder is she actually sending a cryptic puzzle to her man …. Butt+pooping-machine+empty-toilet-roll = Huni we’re out of toilet paper!?! Let’s be honest that is a really cute butt BUT there’s got to be a better way to showcase it!!

Image

Then there are the duck face selfies…. I’m begging you, please tweenies stop! AND if you’re not a tweenie and you are doing the duck-face for real than I can only hope you are not reproducing! There are not many people in the world who find it attractive in fact the only thing in the world that finds it sexy is the poor duck you’re imitating…. So therefore only Donald Duck thinks you’re hot!!! And I really do hate to be the bearer of bad news but he’s not even real… NOT. REAL.LADIES. And while we are on the ‘not real’ subject neither is Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy! Duck faces be gone *waving my supermagic wand*!!!!!!

Image

Boob selfies….. I know! I may be crucified by boob lovers all over the world and trust me when I say I aprreciate a good looking rack when I see one even as a heterosexual woman but put them away girls and save your dignity! I wonder if you realise when you press “Send” or click on “Upload” that photo it is going to be out there for the rest of your life to haunt you if necessary! Boobs are great, they’re useful, great to look at and quite often damn sexy but they are something you can’t have a conversation with (unless you are my husband) and something I’m not comfortable “Like”ing or commenting on.

boob selfiesSee? I don’t even know whose boobs these are ^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^ but now they are on my screen and anyone can gawk look at them….. Oh and they’re lovely by the way  ….. SEE?!!! Now that just sounded wrong and totally Superwoman-of-five-kids inappropriate!

Hot dog leg selfies….. Oh definitely the latest craze! I see these popping up everywhere on social media outlets especially now summer has hit our Australian soil! At first when these came about I thought they didn’t realise they had their legs in the photo but I have since learnt that at the right angle, with the right amount of sunlight and shade and typically with a nice backdrop you can achieve the hot dog selfie…. Anyone else all of a sudden hungry?

Hot dog selfie

Now this has got to be the worst of all – it’s relatively new and completely rude…. The Funeral selfie! Who does that?! Seriously! Whenever I’ve attended a funeral I am generally …. um…. you know whats that word … oh yeah that’s the one… grieving!! You are there celebrating the life of the person who has just passed and passing on your respects to their family – I don’t think celebrating your face on social media is pertinent! I have very few words to say/explain/justify this one so I’ll leave you with a few images of these ‘sad’ individuals instead …..

 funeral_selfie

funeral selfie

Funeral selfie sad

A duck face as well as a funeral selfie … Nice one!

And this one takes the cake, his Grandma must be so proud!

Funeral selfie bbad

Anyhow …. I’m leaving many words left unsaid to all of those ^^^^^! So instead let’s put our hands together now for some selfies gone wrong. Some terribly wrong – think *puke, vomit* – but mostly they’re just a little bit funny because you know they were intended to sexy or cute selfies!!

SGW SGW1 SGW2 SGW3 SGW4

I know how important the angle of the photo is – it slims the jawline, accentuates the cleavage and highlights the fact you didn’t flush the toilet!!!!!!!!

*Gagging*

Ok, ok lets finish this with something cute instead!

Selfie cute

Awwwww……….. Now that’s something to snap about! Happy days!

One love,
DRK xxx

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