Yep… Not a misprint I actually typed weighless not weightloss! And no I am not making a New Years Resolution, in fact I’m not making any again this year for the second year in a row – I know right?! Shock! Horror!! * Insert gasping, constipated-looking face here* Here’s why it’s not a typing error…..
As my close friends and family know (and followers may have guessed) I am a weight obsessed Superwoman. I live it, I breath it, I obsess over it and I talk about it constantly which makes me heaps of fun to be around – especially to all those special voices in my head! I compare myself, I judge myself and I am constantly jealous of other peoples bodies/willpower/motivation. Put a piece of cake under my nose on a Monday morning once I’ve started my “newest” diet and I will say no but I can guarantee by 12 o’clock that very same day I’ll be banging down your door like some psyched out door-knocker who hasn’t made a sale in 14 months begging for you to push that piece of cake through the holes in the fly screen before I starve to death! Once I’m done licking that last bit of sugar-filled-artificially-sweetened-but-not-vine-ripened-or-raw-ingredient-filled cake off the door I will stress over the extra calories I’ve consumed until I am so overwhelmed that I have to go and weigh myself before I have a kilojoule induced anxiety attack. Then out comes the perfection bat, shiny and solid gold and ready to beat the shit out of anything it desires. And so it does. It beats the absolute bejeezers out of me until I’m completely emptied of any confidence ensuring I retreat to the fridge with the hope of tomorrow being a better day.
At other times in my life when I’ve been exercise mad I still managed to be obsessed with my magic number. It never showed up. I would get excited like a criminal whose seen car keys idling in the ignition of a BMW with no-one in the drivers seat. Only to be bitterly disappointed when a big drooling growl comes at you from a man eating horse dog from the back seat. There’s always the hope that the number has gone down overnight and it would change my life. And sadly I’ve often thought that my “chosen” number would actually change my life. But instead all those stupid little digits have completely controlled my life by determining my mood each and every day. If the numbers are down – I’m happy, bouncing around with a thousand springs in my step. If it’s the same as the day before I’m emotionless, partially flatlined and I’m feeling a little disappointed. But if those numbers have gone up, even slightly…. Well… Look out!! The cranky bitch emerges from this sweet little face to fuck everyones day up!
But…. And it’s a big but….
I like to see progress in life, changes, moving forward. Starting this blog has made me look back on my life without my rose coloured glasses on. I’ve had to take a real hard long look at myself and I gotta say it kinda hurt… Not physically but emotionally not to mention the pain on my pride. But I can acknowledge and accept now that I have lived my life based on my weight, on a set a scales and that bloody double digit number on those said set of scales! I’ve been especially weight obsessed since having babies (which is almost 16 years now) but I do remember, prior to populating the earth with my spawn, that I was generally self-conscious and insecure about my body.
Enlightenment came the other day when I was at my friends house. What she said left me shocked and in a state of disbelief. She told me that not every Superwoman in the world weighs herself each day. Even more shocking is that this friend actually had no idea what she weighed and couldn’t remember the last time she had stepped on the set scales. It completely blew my mind and once it had finished blowing my mind it left me with an idea…. A challenge that will impact me in ways I can’t even begin to imagine. My challenge is a big one and maybe I’ve set the bar too high or maybe my issues will resolve prior to the challenge ending but either way I’m going to share this journey with anyone who wants to join me, watch me in amazement or amusement and for those who might want to encourage me… Please!!!
So the challenge I’ve set myself is this … For 365 days starting the 31st December 2013 (remembering it’s not a NY Resolution) I will NOT step foot, toe or handstand on a set of scales. For a whole year I will not know what I weigh, I will not be able to create an emotional day based on what number did or did not show up on the scales that morning and I will not have anything to talk about obsessively. My focus will instead be on life. You know like actually living it! I’ve set this challenge and put it out to the world now and it’s a little exciting to think I may be able to break up with the love/hate of my life. But for now I have to go. I told my husband and mum this morning of my plans for the 365 days of 2014 and they are still on the floor laughing! Best go roll them over so they don’t get piles!
PS -Goodluck ME!!