Polony Brain

We’ve discussed the fact that I am an over-sharer in a previous post and it is something I have been working on since – sometimes quite successfully too…. But in the process I’ve also realised that I am an over-thinker or maybe just plain paranoid! Being an over-thinker leads to so much under-doing, which leads to nowhere really fast. I asked Dr Google to research over-thinking and one thing I found – which was enlightening – was this ….

“They are experts at misinterpreting what people are saying and if there is a way to have their feelings hurt, they’ll find it. Even go looking for it. Not only do they have a history of almost doing things but more often than not they are obsessive, compulsive with perfectionistic tendencies. They worry too much. About nearly everything. They are people-pleasers who want change (different) but the change process scares them. They don’t need other people to sabotage their dreams or goals, they can do that all by themselves. They are highly skilled in the art of self-sabotage and if anyone will get in their way, it’s them. They are… the Over-Thinker.”

(from http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/how-to-stop-being-an-over-thinker.html)

And one of the tips for helping an over-thinker is to have a sounding board, to stop rationalising and just be honest… So if I am really honest with you all I would tell you that there’s not much time in my day that I am not thinking about things and then rethinking them, over and over again. I can (and I will) dissect each thought piece by piece until it resembles the factory floor where polony is born. My thoughts then become a montage of wildly different things, altering the original thought into billions of different scenarios and stories – some of which would make fabulous novels! I can turn something that was really simple into something completely perplexing within just a few seconds and this is why I could actually never be a novelist – because my brain has the story all done and dusted before my hand could even put pen to paper.

Let me share with you an extreme example … I can be driving along, cruising on the speed limit when a car decides to perch itself up my butt and instead of thinking ‘What a dickhead’ I start thinking ‘Oh he looks like he’s in a hurry I wonder if I should speed up… Yeah I’ll speed up maybe his kid has been rushed to hospital… Oh but if I speed up I’ll be over the speed limit and I might get a ticket… Oh and if I get a ticket I am going to have to tell my husband…And if I tell my husband that means I’ll have more speeding tickets then him…Oh but this guys kid really needs him I better get a move on or pull over…’ Yep, I’m dead-set serious here! And in the meantime I’ve also turned all the segments of those thoughts into stories too … I’d love to go into them with you but that would be a serious case of over-sharing! This crazy over-thinking can go on and on and it only stops when I am interrupted by one of my brat pack – one of the blessings of hardly ever driving alone I guess!

Being an over-thinker also makes me a worry wart. It makes me a WCSF (worst case scenario freak). It makes me so damn annoying to myself that I am always consciously trying to find a mute button! I analyse everything with a fine tooth nit comb, you can’t get much finer! Always on my mind is; what if this happens? Or this? Or that? Then I analyse those too pieces. Another little example I am willing to share with you is if I hear a noise at night time when my husband is at work. It couldn’t possibly be just the old house creaking… No way!! Before I know it I have turned the teeniest tiniest of noises into the biggest, scariest scenarios that anyone could possibly ever imagine (even Lee Childs). I’m laying in bed frozen solid in panic, my phone ready in my hand with triple 0 already entered and just waiting for ‘call’ to be pressed. My heart is pounding so loud that I think even the Devil can hear me, I’m hardly breathing and my eyes are wide open like saucepans waiting for the shadow of footsteps to reach my doorway … And then the toilet flushes … Yep just one of the kids going to the toilet! Who knew that shit could be so scary!

I so often try to do the ‘follow your gut’ thing but then I go ahead and cut, copy and paste it so much that by the time I’m done with it my gut feeling now resembles a ransom note – you know the type that are painstakingly created with letters cut out from all different articles from your favourite magazine. So what was my initial gut feeling? Huh?I can never remember.

It makes me want to be the kind of person who doesn’t think at all. The type of person who only has white noise in their heads and that vague look in their eyes … In fact those kind of people were probably once just like me and have been signed over to the state and put on some serious brain-numbing meds!!! Oh well, one day when they invent something that can read minds and record them then I think I will have quite a few best sellers in there, the stories I tell myself are always engaging and the left and right sides of my brain are clearly never bored…

Over-thinking is funny … I’m not crazy! Really I’m not!

One love

DRK xxx

2 thoughts on “Polony Brain

  1. Kailijade says:

    As usual, delightful. I feel that we are kindred spirits in so many ways. If only I could stop overthinking about what to post about in my blog and just get around to posting it …

    Like

    • superwomanseven says:

      Just do it! I get writing, then I overthink it, then I rewrite it, overthink it, delete it, write it again and then think “fuck it” and post it anyway …. Haha crazy head living – I think we aresupposed to be living from the heart! X

      Like

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