I got off to a flying start on this blog. Confident, funny (yes, in my world I am funny) and full of excitement. Fast forward to today and I am full of self-doubt and insecurity. I haven’t had any negative comments, there’s been no ridiculing, no questioning my opinions – only from myself. I feel like I jumped off the deep end fully thinking I was an Olympic swimmer but now I’ve realised that I actually can’t swim and my floaties are on the side of the pool – just out of arms reach.Yep, I think I’ve choked!
It’s like having a phobia and I think I have more than the average person so I’m qualified to make that diagnosis. It’s that same fear…. The heart starts racing, you feel an uncontrollable anxiety and then there’s that little bit of vomit in your throat. One of my biggest phobias is arachnophobia – very common I know. But I am not only scared of real life spiders I am also terrified of the cartoon book variety (yes I said cartoon), the plastic kind (stupid Halloween), painted pictures of spiders on the side of the pest controllers van and even the ones on all those bloody nature/dare-devil TV shows… In all honesty I am so scared of spiders that I didn’t sit on my lounge for 10 days straight because the last time there was a spider, with his sickly skinny legs and running like the wind towards my face – bleh still gives me the heebie-jeebies! I’ve only just returned my butt to the lounge in the last few days although I am resting it tentatively on the edge, constantly swiping at any little breath of wind/hair/imaginary thing that touches me. Unfortunately for me another spider crawled on the lounge last night, I wasnt even sitting there but its a total spider conspiracy! Maybe Superwoman dumped Spidermans ass in a past life or something! Anyway its back to sitting on the floor for me. I’d rather piles anyway.
The other phobia I have is one that has many of my friends baffled. In fact it baffles me. I have never been able to find a ‘phobic’ name for it or find someone who shares the same fear but it’s not from a lack of trying. So here it is, for your entertainment – it is a fear of boogers, bodily fluids/secretions and hair in water. This means I won’t have a bath or use a spa and I very rarely swim. If I am showering and the drain clogs up making water pool around my feet I start to feel nervous and nauseous! It takes a lot of brain power to persuade my hands to reach down and unclog the hair – and its my own!!! It actually makes me feel physically sick and makes my body shudder involuntarily! True story! And when, on the very rare occasion, that I am in a pool it takes every inch of the right side of my brain to reason with myself that I am ok. To convince myself that whatever it was that just touched me (which was more than likely water) was not that big fuzzy guys back hair, or that teenage kid’s pus-filled pimple or that booger from the two-year screaming kid. *Shuddering*
Another silly little phobia I’ve had and started when I was a little girl was sharks. Not the ocean kind but the type that come out of a secret gate in your families swimming pool if you peed in the water…. The pee would activate an alert on my Dad’s watch and an invisible gate would open up to release a big shark to come and eat me…. Who needs superpowers when you have an over-active mind and a little pee! I remember being caught one day standing on the step and peeing into the water to see if it would actually happen. I had obviously placed myself on the step with the intention of hightailing it out of there when the shark gate actually opened! Unfortunately at that very moment when my pee hit the water my Dad walked past! Oh boy was I in trouble but at least it proved my theory that he indeed had a secret alarm on his watch!
The only answers that Dr Google has been able to share with me on my two strange phobias is that Christina Ricci also has a fear of pools. She also believes a magic door will open up and a shark will appear so she will not swim alone. Maybe we can swim together Christina but only if you don’t have hair, a pimple or even a nose!! It gives me a little bit of relief to know there is another human being out there that has at least one of my crazies! Yay for me and my crazies!
On a funny note (unless it’s your phobia of course) did you know hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia is a fear of the number 666? Or that sesquipedalophobia is a fear of long words! A word with 18 letters to describe a person who is frightened of long words?! I guess they’d really be crapping their pants if they were friends with people scared of the number 666 huh!